


Is there somewhere

by Enj0ltaiRe



Series: You(th) [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Boys In Love, First Love, First Time, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Graphic Description, Homophobic Language, M/M, Punk Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier Has ADHD, Teen Romance, combo!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-02 20:28:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enj0ltaiRe/pseuds/Enj0ltaiRe
Summary: Richie didn’t belong in boring, old fashioned, small Derry, that was for sure.Richie Tozier wore leather jackets and ripped jeans. Richie Tozier had his ear pierced and he painted his nails black. Richie Tozier wore combat boots and let his curls grow wild and messy. Richie Tozier always had headphones around his neck and sometimes he wore eyeliner. Richie Tozier smoked weed on the school ground and told teachers to shut the fuck up. Richie Tozier was tall and skinny and he wore bands tank tops. Richie Tozier was the reason why Eddie had started biting his lower lip way more frequently than he did before.





	1. Colors

**Author's Note:**

> This fic and its chapter is titled after Halsey's songs, just in case you want anything to listen to while you read :D
> 
> Any feedback is appreciated, comments are what keep me going!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at Tozier-boy

“If- if my mom finds out you’re here…” Eddie was breathless. Richie Tozier was kissing his neck and fucking him relentlessly, holding his hips and breathing hot against his neck. “Oh _god_.”

“As much as I like your mom, Eds, you gotta stop talking about her.” Richie panted, squeezing Eddie’s hip and bringing his other hand to cup the boy’s face, stroking his bottom lip with his thumb. “Fuck, you feel amazing.”

Eddie clutched Richie’s shoulders as he felt getting closer and closer to his climax, moaning high and desperate like he never imagined he would have. “Harder, _faster_!” He pleaded, digging his nails into Richie’s back and dragging them down. “Oh yes! Right there!” His voice had turned a few octaves up and his hips had started stuttering in the attempt of meeting Richie’s thrusts.

The boy’s dark, chocolate curls were falling on Eddie’s face and their eyes were locked together as they panted into each other’s mouths. Eddie knew his eyes were open wide, because he didn’t want to miss the look on Richie’s face, the way he was looking at him. His heart was about to burst, he could feel it, because, as Richie came inside him with a loud cry of Eddie’s name, Eddie knew he was utterly, completely, deeply in love.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Five months earlier_ **

“I just don’t see what’s the appeal, you know? A bunch of sweaty, drunk teenagers grinding against each other? It sounds like a punishment, not a party.” Eddie was putting his books back in his locker, while gesturing dismissively at Bill’s attempts to convince him to go.

Eddie wasn’t kidding when he said that he didn’t see any appeal in a party. He was 17, and he had only been at one party.

It had been more than enough.

After only three hours someone had thrown up on his new shoes and Mike had accidentally spilled beer on his favorite shirt. He had been grounded for three weeks and, to be honest, he wasn’t looking forward to it again.

“But  A-A-Audra’s going to be t-t-there!” Bill protested, resting the back of his head against the lockers.

“How is this going to convince me to go to a stupid party? She’s your crush, not mine.” He pointed out, raising his eyebrows. “Besides, I have a test on Monday. I have to study, and you should too.” He added, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder.

“I’ll g-g-give you 50 b-bucks.” Bill said, very seriously.

“I’m not an escort, Bill.” Eddie chuckled, closing his locker. Behind its door was standing Richie Tozier, and Eddie nearly had a heart attack.

“Jesus, Tozier! You scared the shit out of me!” Eddie gasped, putting his hand on his chest and feeling how hard his heart was beating.

“I thought the palpitations were a side effect of your crush on me.” Richie said, wiggling his eyebrows. Eddie snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, you wish.”

Richie pouted dramatically, but Eddie knew he was just mocking him. Richie and him had never been friends. Not just acquaintances, either, but they weren’t friends. They teased each other in the hallways, they bickered when they were in the same room, but they weren’t friends.

They couldn’t have been. They lived on two different planets.

Eddie was, alongside Stanley Uris, one of the best students of the Derry High School. His grades were perfect, teachers adored him and he was never late for school. He joined two clubs for extra credits and he would have killed for a scholarship at Harvard. He knew what he wanted, and he had his goals clear in his mind: graduate from high school, go to college, take medicine and become a nurse in New York.  He liked having a plan, it made him feel safe and focused.

Richie, on the quite contrary, was a living train wreck. He wasn’t stupid, oh, not at all. Eddie knew he was extremely fucking smart. In fact, Richie managed to get straight A’s with a upsettingly small amount of studying. He was always late, and when he wasn’t late he wasn’t at school at all. The first time he saw him, during their 9th grade, Eddie thought Richie didn’t belong in Derry at all.

Richie had just moved there from California, and that immediately lighted a spark of curiosity in the small town of Derry.

_Who were these people? Why did they move from California? Can we trust them?_

Richie didn’t belong in boring, old fashioned, small Derry, that was for sure.

Richie Tozier wore leather jackets and ripped jeans. Richie Tozier had his ear pierced and he painted his nails black. Richie Tozier wore combat boots and let his curls grow wild and messy. Richie Tozier always had headphones around his neck and sometimes he wore eyeliner. Richie Tozier smoked weed on the school ground and told teachers to shut the fuck up. Richie Tozier was tall and skinny and he wore bands tank tops. Richie Tozier was the reason why Eddie had started biting his lower lip way more frequently than he did before. 

Everyone at school was impressed when he first came around. He was different from the people of Derry. He was different from the cardigans and the polo shirts, from the shirts tucked in the jeans and the brushed hair.

 Eddie didn’t even know boys could paint their nails the first time he saw Richie.

“Are you coming to the party, Eds?” He asked, checking with his fingers if the cigarette he had tucked behind his ear was still there.

“Don’t call me that, for fuck’s sake.” Eddie hissed, glaring at him. “And no, I’d rather lick a gas station’ toilet clean.”

“What a vivid image.” Richie laughed, and Eddie wondered if he knew he wasn’t joking at all. “Come on, it’s gonna be lit. Bev knows how to throw a party.”

Beverly Marsh was the only person Richie really talked to. They were similar under many aspects, so anyone could have seen why they clicked together.

Eddie was still wondering why Richie bothered talking to him at all, since they were different under all the aspects.

“I’m sure she does.” Eddie said simply, and Bill huffed beside him.

“But this one’s different. We’re going to the quarry for a bone fire.” Eddie didn’t know that. He thought it was going to be a lame house party with fifty teenagers squeezed together behind four walls. A bone fire did sound nice. Nicer than a house party, anyway. He would have had room to breathe fresh air, and sitting in front of a creaking fire with his friends was a nice prospective.

Eddie glanced up at Richie, who towered over him, being the lanky motherfucker he was. “I’m going to give it a long, hard thought.”He said, and Bill almost squeaked by his side. He knew him far too well not to know he had basically said yes.

Richie’s lips curved into a crooked smirk, as their eyes were still fixed on each other. “Maybe I’ll see you later, then.” Richie said lowly, and Eddie tilted his chin up.

“Maybe you will.”

 

* * *

 

“S-S-Seriously, Eddie, w-what’s going on b-b-between you and R-Richie Tozier?” Bill asked. He was currently lying on his stomach on Eddie’s bed, flicking through the pages of a comic book distractedly as Eddie chose what to wear at the bone fire.

“What are you talking about?” Eddie frowned, looking at his friend through the mirror. “Nothing’s going on.”

“It m-most certainly l-l-looks like s-something’s g-g-going on.” Bill giggled, and Eddie turned towards him with his hands on his hips.

“Something like what?”

“Something like a b-b-big, f-fat, mutual c-crush.” Bill said, wiggling his eyebrow, and Eddie’s cheeks heated up.

“Shut the f-“

“Eddie bear? Where are you going?” Sonia Kaspbrak had opened the door to her son’s room without knocking, making the two boys jump in surprise. “Isn’t it a bit late to go out?”

“Eddie’s c-c-coming to mine. We’re g-gonna study and watch a m-movie, mrs K.” Bill said quickly, smiling up at the woman.

“And you can’t do that here?” She questioned, and Bill’s smile only grew faker and wider.

“I’ve g-got a new DVD.”

“Very well, but no sleepovers. You’ve got to be home by 11.30.” Sonia said, pointing her finger at Eddie.

“Sure, ma.” Eddie stood on his tiptoes and kissed his mother’s cheek, grinning sweetly.

There was no other way but lying, Eddie knew it far too well. His overprotective, manipulative, controlling mother would have never let him go to a party, let alone one with a bone fire involved.

Especially if she knew Richie Tozier was going to be there as well.

Ever since the Tozier family had moved in their neighborhood, Sonia Kaspbrak had been sulking about it. She didn’t like Maggie Tozier one bit, because “she smiled way too much” and “no woman was supposed to wear skirts that didn’t reach the knees”, but truth was Sonia was extremely jealous. She never had a valid reason to smile, while Maggie Tozier was cheerful most of the time. Plus, Maggie was a beautiful woman. She was tall and slender, had round hips and beautiful curly hair  that framed a regular face and pretty, big hazel eyes. Eddie knew every single man in town fancied her and that every single woman in town desperately tried to find her flaws.

Derry was not the kind of town where a woman could have been happy about another woman’s beauty. In Derry, women despised each other.

She didn’t trust the fact that they came to Derry all in a sudden and that no one knew why. She started speculating about the reason with Eddie’s aunt, and every theory was more ridiculous than the last.

 Then, Sonia had to complain about mr Tozier and his “way too loud new car”. Mr Tozier was a dentist, which Eddie always found curious, considering that Richie’s front teeth were slightly too big and they were usually resting upon his lower lip.

Eddie always thought it was cute, because those teeth, along with the freckles on Richie’s nose and cheeks, made him look younger.

But most of all, Sonia Kaspbrak despised the loud, foul-mouthed, vulgar, punk Tozier boy more than anything else in the world and she didn’t want him anywhere near her beloved, well mannered son.

“Don’t eat candies or chips or you’ll get a stomachache!” Sonia reminded Eddie as the boys were running down the stairs.

“Yes ma!” Eddie called back, before the front door slammed shut.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t terrible, Eddie considered. The bone fire had been lighted up and it was burning high, there were a lot of students around it, mostly from the 12th and 11th grade and Eddie wasn’t hating it. He had a can of soda in his hand, while Bill had decided to go for a bottle of ice cold beer. There was music, nice music, and Eddie couldn’t deny that Beverly Marsh had a pretty fucking great idea.

“This is n-n-nice, isn’t it?”  Bill said, glancing around the crowd, desperately trying to spot Audra.

“I’m not hating it.” Eddie conceded, and Bill smiled.

“Hey guys.” Both of the boys turned their heads to look at Stan, who was holding a can identical to Eddie’s. “Didn’t think you would have come.” He said with a tentative smile that was entirely directed at Bill.

“I didn’t think that either.” Eddie shrugged, sighing as Bill ignored completely Stan’s glances, too busy to try to gain Audra’s attention.

Eddie was well aware of the crush Stan had on Bill. Everyone was well aware of that. Bill was a handsome boy: he was tall, he had ginger-ish hair and a charming smile. Eddie could see why Stan liked him so much. Bill, though, despite his stutter, was more outgoing, while Stan tended to hide behind his books, like an admirer from afar.

“Well, I’m glad you decided to come. It was a bit awkward without actual people to talk to.” He said, pressing his lips into a thin line.

“Yeah, me too.” Another voice said from behind them. Eddie twirled on his heels to find Richie standing in front of him. He was wearing a black tank top and a denim jacket with some pins on it, black and ripped skinny jeans and his combat boots. Eddie found himself staring for a couple of seconds.

“You smell weird.” Eddie said, well aware that, mixed to Richie’s cologne, was the smell of weed.

“That’s what I told your mom last night.”

“You’re fucking disgusting.”

“That’s not what you said last night.” He winked.

Stan rolled his eyes. “I’m not following. Were you with Eddie or with his mom last night?” He said flatly, not really asking a question.

“Maybe both.” Richie laughed. Eddie shrugged past him, shouldering him but not too hard, and walked away. The last thing he needed was to hear to Richie’s awful mom jokes.

He just didn’t understand. Richie was a real fucking trashmouth, but he seemed particularly keen on addressing his annoying jokes toward Eddie. Sure, he was friends with Beverly, but he never heard him being so loud around her. He leaned his back against a tree, taking a deep breath away from the crowd. His mind ran back to what Bill had said.

_What’s going on between you and Richie Tozier?_

Eddie had no idea. He truly, honestly had no idea of what was going on.

He didn’t know why Richie bothered talking to him, he didn’t know why he bothered answering. He didn’t know why his heart beat a little faster whenever he heard Richie’s voice near him, and he was too afraid to asking himself why.

Nothing was going on between Richie Tozier and him.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t that great, after all. It was just like a regular party, but outside. There were people grinding in rhythm with the music, people making out and people way too drunk to function.  
Bill had finally managed to talk to Audra, and they were currently kissing against a tree. Eddie’s eyes immediately went for Stan, who was sitting with his head down and Mike Hanlon’s arm thrown around his shoulders. Eddie knew Mike, he was in the football team and he was probably one of the kindest person he had ever had the pleasure of knowing. If Stan was with Mike, he knew he was in good hands.

“Are you cold?” It was almost time for Eddie to go. Last thing he wanted, was to piss his mother off and being grounded for a month. He looked to his left, where Richie had sat down. They were in front of the bone fire, but the air had cooled down and gave Eddie goose bumps down his arms.

“I’m fine.” Eddie shrugged, looking back at the fire. Two seconds later, Richie’s warm denim jacket was around his shoulders.

“There you go.”

“I said I was fine.”

“Your body says otherwise.” Richie ran his index finger over Eddie’s arm, which only caused more goose bumps. He swallowed hard, gripping the grass under him as he looked up at Richie’s chocolate brown eyes.

“Thank you. You shouldn’t have,  but thank you.” He said, wrapping Richie’s way-too-big jacket around himself. They looked into each other’s eyes for a couple of seconds, and Eddie felt his stomach knotting and then filling with something that fluttered. With the fire’s light hitting his face, Eddie could clearly see every single one of Richie’s freckles. He could admire the way his curls fell on his forehead and the way his front teeth rested on his lower lip when he wasn’t thinking about hiding them. Eddie knew he wasn’t supposed to think about another boy’s freckles, eyes,  hair and mouth, but when it came to Richie he just couldn’t help but wonder. He had so many questions he wanted to ask, and yet he was afraid of the answers. It was like looking at an unsolved mystery, and it fascinated Eddie beyond any measure.

“Anytime.” Richie replied softly, and his lips curved into a relaxed smile that made Eddie wonder if that was a perfectly normal thing to do.

He was even about to ask him that, when some girl screamed.

“The cops are here!”

Eddie didn’t even have the time to think or react. Before he could even look at what was going on, he was being pulled on his feet by a warm hand firmly holding his and then he was running. The woods that surrounded the quarry were not a place you would have wanted to find yourself lost in at night, but Richie seemed to know what he was doing and where he was going as he held Eddie’s hand and dragged him away. Eddie heard the music being shut down and then voices, loud voices and sirens.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, but the last thing he wanted was being dragged back home by the police. He wasn’t even drunk, he hadn’t touch a single drop of alcohol, but she wouldn’t have cared. He had lied, and that would have been a reason valid enough for him to be locked home for god knows how long.

“Rich! Stop!” He panted, planting his heels to the ground once they were far away enough. He leaned his back against a tree and tried to catch his breath.

He hoped that his friends managed to ran away as well.

“Are you okay?” Richie asked as he tried to catch his breath. Eddie nodded, panting, and looked up at the taller boy with wide eyes.

“Thank you…” He breathed, and Richie chuckled.

“This is the second time you thank me tonight.” He pointed out, resting a hand beside Eddie’s head as he looked down at him. They were really close. They were really close and they were alone in the dark woods, and Eddie shouldn’t have felt as comfortable as he did.

“Well, you deserve it.” Eddie bit his lower lip as he looked in his eyes, then looked back down at the ground with a blush on his cheeks. “I was supposed to be home five minutes ago. Shit, my mom’s going to kill me…”

“Well, we better get going then, am I right?” Eddie nodded slowly, watching as Richie took a step back from him. “Come on.” He offered Eddie his hand, and the smaller boy frowned a little. “It’s mad dark in here, I don’t want to lose you in a wood.”

“Are you just looking for an excuse to hold my hand, Tozier?” Eddie teased, thanking the darkness that was hiding his blush as he slipped his hand into Richie’s.

“Shut up and follow me, Kaspbrak.”  


	2. Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm headed straight for the castle  
> They wanna make me their queen  
> And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean  
> I'm headed straight for the castle  
> They've got the kingdom locked up  
> And there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut. 
> 
> Oh, all of these minutes passing, sick of feeling used  
> If you wanna break these walls down, you're gonna get bruised
> 
> (Halsey, Castle)
> 
> ((10 points to whoever guesses why I chose this song for this chapter and who the old man sitting on the throne reminds me of))

"You didn't have to walk me all the way back home, you know?" Eddie glanced up at Richie. He was still draped in his jacket, and he could help but wonder if Richie was cold.  
  
"What an awful gentleman would I be if I let a young, fair man in distress walk home by himself at this godful hour in the night?" Richie said dramatically in the worst British accent Eddie had ever heard in his entire life.  
  
"It's not even midnight yet, you know that right? And I'm not a 'young, fair man in distress'. More like a poor motherfucker who is about to get his ass grounded for breaking the curfew." Richie laughed and lighted himself a cigarette up, making Eddie cringe . "And get that death stick away from me."  
  
"Oh god, please don't tell me you're about to give me the 'smoking is bad for your health' speech. I've heard it a million times."  
  
"I'm not giving you any speech. Just stay away from me with that thing, I don't want your cancer, thank you very much. " Eddie snapped, but there was the smallest smile tugging at his lips. Richie laughed and threw the cigarette to the ground.  
  
"What happened to 'in sickness and in heath'?"  
  
"We're not married, Rich." Eddie shook his head, rolling his eyes.  
  
They stopped in front of Eddie house, and he was really hoping his mom was asleep and that she didn't notice that he had came home late.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll see you at school." Eddie said, turning to look at the taller boy.  
  
"Yes, I guess so." Richie nodded. Neither of them moved, even though Eddie knew he was supposed to walk away. He opened his mouth to say something else, but the front door creamed open and Eddie felt all the blood in his body freezing cold.  
  
"Edward Kaspbrak." Sonia's voice was harsh and sharp. Eddie wondered if faking his own, studded death by dropping to the ground was an option. "Inside. Now."  
  
Eddie looked at his mother and then back at Richie, mumbling the smallest "bye" before he headed inside.  
  
"Evening, Mrs K!" Richie greeted, touching the hem of an imaginary hat on his head and bowing a little. Sonia looked at him as If he was a gigantic, disgusting cockroach.  
  
"Go home, Richard." She said coldly before slamming the door shut in his face.  


* * *

  
  
Eddie sat at the kitchen table with his head low and his lower lip caught between his teeth. His mother was standing behind him, like an executioner ready to chop his head off.  
  
"I don't like being lied to, Edward." She hissed, putting a big, sweaty hand on his shoulder. "This is not how I raised you."  
  
"I know, mom, I'm so-"  
"Do not interrupt me!" She snapped squeezing his shoulder in her hand. "What were you doing with that awful boy? Didn't I tell you a million times that you're not allowed to talk to him?! What were you doing together at night?!" She asked, almost histerically.  
  
"Nothing! We weren't doing anything, I swear! I was coming home from Bill's house and I bumped into him. He asked me about the test we have on Monday, remember? The math test. He wanted to know which pages he needed to study, I told him I needed to go home and he started walking with me. That's it, I swear." The lie came out easily, so he dared to turn his head and look at his mother. "We weren't doing anything, I swear. I know that you don't want me to talk to him, I was only being nice!"  
The fact that Richie and him didn't actually had math in the same class, was just a small detail.  
  
Sonia's grip on Eddie's shoulder want gentler, but he didn't allow himself to sign in relied yet. "You're half an hour late."  
  
"I know. The movie was longer than we expected." Eddie replied gently, looking up at her with his doe like eyes.  
  
"Go to bed, I'll decide your punishment overnight." She said, finally letting of Eddie's shoulder and taking a step back.  
  
"Yes, mom." Eddie sighed, standing up and kissing her cheek. He walked upstairs and, once he was safely locked in his room, he leaned against the door and took a long, deep breath.  
  
He laughed, nervously and a little histerically, trying to calm his nerves down.  
That's when be noticed that he was still wearing Richie's jacket.  


* * *

  
  
**[9.32am To: Big Bill]** Hey, are you okay? Did you manage to run away?  
  
**[9.36am From: Big Bill]** Yes, Stan and I are okay. He got me out of there on his bike. What about u?  
  
**[9.37am To: Big Bill]** How romantic. I'm fine. Grounded for two weeks, but what's new about that.  
  
**[9.39am From: Big Bill]** Did she find out you were at the party?  
  
**[9.41am To:Big Bill]** Nope. Came home after curfew. Busted with Richie.  
  
**[9.41am From: Big Bill]** ???????????????????????  
  
**[9.42am To: Big Bill]** Chill. I'll explain at school.  
  
**[9.42am From: Big Bill]** You better!!!!!!  
  
Eddie sighed and threw his phone on the bed. His mother had woken him up with a plate of sweet pancakes and a bitter smile. She told him about her decision to ground him for two weeks, which meant that he was locked up in his house unless he was at school.  
He somehow managed to convince her to let him keep his phone, but it was like walking on eggshells with her. He couldn't know if she was actually going to let him keep it, since was used to change her mind like the clouds changed in the sky.  
  
"I'm not your enemy, Eddie Bear, you know that, right? The world it's an awful place filled with awful people. I just want you to be always safe." Sonia cooed, patting Eddie's hair. "That Tozier boy..." She sighed, shaking her head. "He's not your friend, sweetie. He's a dirty boy, and you'll get dirty too if you spend your precious time with him. And you don't want to get dirty, do you?"  
  
Eddie wanted to scream. He wanted to tell her how he was perfectly capable of choosing his own friends. No, he wasn't friends with Richie Tozier, but he could have been. His mother didn't have any right to talk like that. Yeah, Richie was loud and different from the people of Derry, but he wasn't a bad guy. Eddie didn't feel uncomfortable around him.  
  
_Look at me, mommy, I wore that awful boy's jacket all night last night. Am I dirty?_  
  
"No, mom." He said instead, his head low.  
  
"Good. That boy is a good for nothing. You, on the other hand, are such a good boy. Such a good boy for your mommy. You still want to go to Harvard, right? You need to focus on your studies, Eddie Bear. I'd be really disappointed if you failed. But you're not going to fail, are you? Not after all I've done for you."  
  
Eddie felt a little nauseous. He shook his head, making sure to avoid she contact with her.  
  
"Good. So, from now on, you won't talk to him again. Are we clear?"  
  
As light.  
  
\----------  
  
Eddie handed his math teacher his paper and left the classroom adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder. He walked to the school's cafeteria feeling confident. He knew he did a good job: he had studied the whole previous week for that test, and he really needed an A+ to prove Harvard that he was a hard working student.  
Eddie spotted Stan and Bill already sitting at a table with their trays. Eddie chose a chicken sandwich and an apple before joining them, sitting opposite the pair.  
  
"Hey guys." He greeted, opening his bottle of water and taking a sip.  
  
"Cut t-the bullshit and tell us w-w-what happened the n-night of the party." Bill prompted, forgetting all about his lunch.  
  
"What bullshit? I literally just said hey."  
  
"He's been like this since you told him about Richie." Stan explained, making Eddie roll his eye.  
  
"I didn't say anything about Richie! He walked me home, that's literally it." Eddie sighed, well aware that it wasn't it. He didn't mention the hand holding part and also the fact that he still had Richie's jacket in his room. But all of that didn't mean anything, so why bother to mention it? They held hands because they didn't want to get lost in the woods. The fact that Richie's hand was soft, warm and gently wrapped around his own was only something he noticed because he was, in fact, holding said hand.

Richie gave him his jacket just because he was cold.  
  
It wasn't a big deal.  
  
All of that didn't change a single thing between them.  
  
He glanced to his left, where he knew Richie usually sat, and saw him with Beverly, the two of them apparently engaged in the most amusing conversation ever, considering the way they were laughing.  
  
"I w-w-wonder who t-told the police about the p-party." Bill said, relaxing back against his chair.  
  
"They probably heard the music." Stan guessed, shrugging. He stood up and picked up his tray. "I'll see you guys after class?"  
  
"I'm grounded, so I've got to head straight home after school."  
  
"That sucks, Eddie." Stan said emphatically. "What about you Bill? Do you want to come to mine later? I can help you with that history project you're stuck with."  
  
"Actually, I'm seeing Audra after school." Bill grinned. Looking at Stan, Eddie never saw a smile fall so quickly. "We're going to grab an ice cream." He looked at Eddie with a big smile, and he couldn't do anythIng other than smile back at him.  
  
"That's great, Bill."  
  
When he looked back up, Stan was already gone.  


* * *

  
  
"So, what's the verdict?" Eddie was taking the books he needed for the homework from his locker when he heard Richie's loud voice next to him. "Did your mother finally decided to lock you in the highest tower of the tower?"  
  
Eddie rolled his eyes and closed the door if his locker shut. "You're so funny, Richie. If I were a woman I would want your babies. " he said, dripping sarcasm.  
  
"It's a gift." Richie smiled, leaning against the locked next to Eddie's. He was wearing a Metallica shirt that fell loosely on a pair of ripped jeans. Eddie wondered if Richie even owned a pair of jeans that didn't have holes in the. There was a cigarette that didn't look like a cigarette at all tucked behind his ear.  
  
"You shouldn't smoke that stuff at school. Firstly, if they catch you might get expelled. Secondly, the smoke mixes with the oxygen that I breathe, and I don't want drugs in my system."  
  
Richie laughed, genuinely. "It doesn't really work like that. Besides, many say that marijuana is really good for your health."  
  
"Of course! That's why they sell it in pharmacies." Eddie grimaced.  
  
"Technically, they do."  
  
"Oh, shut the fuck up Richard." Eddie hissed, turning on his heels to leave. "Also, fuck you. I'm grounded for two weeks because of you." Eddie looked as Richie walked next to him and glared at him.  
  
"Because of _me_? Richie laughed. How is it my fault? I literally saved your ass last night."  
  
"You distracted me and I got home late." _And my mom caught me talking to you and she didn't like it. I shouldn't even be talking to you right now._  
  
"Didn't know I was a distraction for you. I'm flattered." Richie smirked, and Eddie flushed red.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that." He mumbled, gripping onto the straps of his backpack.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." Richie said lowly, winking at him, before he turned and started walking in the opposite direction.  
  
Eddie looked over his shoulder, watching as Richie disappeared in the crowd filling the hallway.  
  
__

* * *

  
  
" 'Night mom!" Eddie said as he walked up the stairs. She had been quiet at dinner, to Eddie's immense relief.  
  
"Goodnight, Eddie Bear. Remember to take your probiotics before you go to bed." Eddie rolled his eyes as be shut the door. He changed into his pyjamas (which consisted in red short shorts and a white tee) and switched his bedside table lamp on. He chose a new book to read before falling asleep, taking “Pride and Prejudice” off the shelf.

He actually had read it countless times, but he just couldn't help it: he loved the dynamics between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. The bickering, the sarcasm, the pining, the devotion and the way he could feel the love blossoming between them as page after page.

That book had probably set his expectations and standards way too high.

He was just about to climb into bed when he heard a knock on his window.  
  
Eddie gasped and turned quickly, already panicking about the prospective of facing a murderer or a mugger. Instead, Richie's shit eating grin was waiting for him behind the glass.  
  
Eddie tried to breathe normally as he opened the window. "Are you fucking insane, Tozier?!" He whispered, a little panicked. "What are you doing here?" Richie was leaning against the window sill, while his feet were on a branch of the tree that was right in front of Eddie's room.

“I figured that, since you're under house arrest, you might have wanted some company.” Richie explained.

Eddie's heart was beating extremely fast. Richie was there. He had climbed all the way to Eddie's window to see him. Had he gone tucking nuts?

God, if his mother found him there, she was likely going to push him straight down to the ground.

“I'm grounded, Richie, you shouldn't be here. Go home, alright?” Eddie said, almost in a pleading voice. He really didn't want to face his mother's anger again.

“Why? This feels so romantic. Just like Romeo and Juliet.” Richie grinned, and Eddie scoffed. Yes. Richie was definitely insane. Did his parents let him leave in the evening without saying as much of a word? Did he sneak out without them knowing?

“You're not an romantic Italian young man, I'm not a fourteen years old girl and we're not star crossed lovers.” Eddie sighed, keeping his voice low and shaking his head.

“Not even a little?” Richie pouted. Eddie found himself giggling.

“Not even at all, Rich. Go home.” Eddie repeated, glancing at the door to make sure it was still closed.

“Fine, since you asked so nicely.” Richie pulled back and sat on the branch. “You're no fun, Eds. This could have been a magical moment and you ruined it.”

“I'm sure you'll survive. Also don't call me that. I hate it.”

“Aw, Eds, you love it.” Richie smiled wide, batting his long, dark lashes.

“I hate you.”

He closed the window, pulled the curtains closed and hated himself for the huge grin that was spreading across his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to add the lyrics that inspire me to the chapters' summaries. Hey Halsey if you're reading this I'm sorry, luv u 
> 
> Thank you so much guys, I'm overwhelmed by the lovely comments you left on the first chapter??? 
> 
> I'm a bit insecure about this one, I hope you'll like it anyway. The actual plot has yet to come, but I'm in no rush. This will probably be a long ass fic. 
> 
> I'd really appreciate comments/opinions, you are all so kind I'm speechless.


	3. Empty gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I must confess  
> How hard I tried to breathe  
> Through the trees of loneliness.  
> And you, you must confess  
> How hard you need to see  
> Through the heart beating out my chest.  
> Feel like we've been falling down   
> Like these autumn leaves.  
> But baby don't let winter come,   
> Don't let our hearts freeze.  
> If the morning light don't steal our soul,  
> We will walk away from empty gold.
> 
> (Halsey, Empty gold)

Eddie didn’t know what was going on.

It had started out with one he thought was a joke, and then things just… escalated. Rather quickly.

It had been four weeks since the first time Richie had climbed that tree in front of Eddie’s room, causing the boy to have an almost heart attack. It had been four weeks and Richie just kept doing it.

He didn’t stay for long the first couple of nights. He climbed the tree and knocked on the glass of the window, startling a very confused Eddie. Richie smiled at him as if it was the most normal thing in the world and handed him what he had brought in his backpack.

Comic books, playlists, a USB pen with a movie in it.

Richie said he just wanted to keep him busy while he was grounded, but then two weeks passed and Richie didn’t stop climbing that tree.

They started to know each other better, carefully at first, because neither of them trusted the other to give away too many personal information. Then, as days and weeks passed by, they had started to let their guards down. Eddie stopped locking his window, Richie stopped sitting on the branch in favor of straddling the window sill.

After a week, Eddie told Richie his father died from lungs cancer when he was only four years old. That night was also the last time he saw Richie smoking a cigarette in front of him.   
After two weeks, Eddie knew all about Richie’s voices and the characters between them. He even knew how to tell them apart, even though they all sounded pretty much the same.   
After three weeks, he discovered that Richie needed to take pills. He didn’t say which pills, but he told him he needed them to be okay and Eddie believed him.   
The following night, Eddie told Richie about how he found out that his mother had been lying to him all his childhood about his illnesses.

His heart hammered in his chest the whole time as he told him about the fake prescriptions, the fake inhaler, the sugar pills and then a tear rolled down his cheek, because that was the first time he said it out loud to someone else that wasn’t Bill. Now there were three people that knew about it. Four, counting Eddie’s mother.

That night, Richie hugged Eddie for the first time.

He didn’t climb into his room, not yet, but his arms were wrapped around him as one of his legs was swinging in the air, out of the window.

After three weeks and four days, Eddie asked Richie what pills he needed to take. Richie didn’t answer. He made a funny face and climbed back down, waving at Eddie before heading back home.

They weren’t friends. Not quite. They still didn’t talk much at school. They never hung out during the day. It was almost like they needed to know that there was the darkness of the night protecting their secrets. The more he learned about Richie, the more he wanted to know.

After four weeks, it had became a routine, Eddie’s favorite one.

After a dinner with his mother, during which he was careful to be sweet and gentle as always, he ran upstairs and silently locked the door of his bedroom. There was something addicting about the way those late night visits made him feel. The thrill of being doing something that his mother had forbid him to do, the fear of the prospective of being caught. The exciting feeling of breaking a rule. The vulnerability he felt around Richie, and yet the way he never felt stronger in his entire life.   
Every time he heard those soft knock on the window, Eddie felt a bit more alive.

No one knew about that. Eddie didn’t told his best friends about Richie’s visits. He was cherishing that secret like something private and special upon which no one had a say about.

He didn’t want his friends to make jokes and wiggle their eyebrows at him, playfully elbow his ribs and giggle. He didn’t want anyone to know. He wanted, for once in his life, to have something that was _his_ and his only. A knock on the window, and Eddie felt like breathing fresh air. Maybe he had just been spending too much time in his mother’s bubble, following her rules and never straying too far from the sidewalk, but there was something wonderful about how free he felt, despite being locked in his room.

  

* * *

 

 

“I need you to be paired up for this project. You’ll be writing down an essay on a subject of my choice and present it to the class.” The English literature teacher was pacing the room with a little plastic bag filled with pieces of paper in her hand.   
Eddie rolled his eyes. He hated group projects. There was nothing worse than being forced to cooperate with someone else and having to worry whether they were going to stick to the due date and do a good job.

The door slammed open and a very late Richie Tozier made his way to his desk. “What did I miss?”

“Mr Tozier, I’m glad you’ve decided to honor us with your presence. May I ask you why you’re fifteen minutes late?” Mrs Clarks gave him a severe look, and Richie grinned. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was paler than usual. Eddie wondered if he had slept at all once he had left his window the previous night.

“My alarm clock decided to go on a holiday and didn’t rang this morning, but sends its greetings.” He explained easily, making the class giggle and the teacher roll her eyes.

“As I was saying,” She sighs, deciding to ignore him, “I’ll pair you up. Due date’s in two weeks.” She sat down at her desk and started calling their names. Eddie would have sold a kidney to avoid being paired up with Henry Bowers.

Anyone, literally anyone but Henry Bowers.

“Edward, you’re going to work with…” She picked up another name from the bag. “Richard.”

_Of fucking course._

Eddie turned his head to glance at Richie. He winked at him and Eddie felt himself smirking and rolling his eyes. It could have been worse, anyway. He could do Richie. They spent a lot of time together, anyway, so that wasn’t going to change anything. The real issue was going to be finding an excuse to sell to his mother.

“Now that you’ve been paired up, I want to make myself clear: no changes, no switches. You’re going to be mature and work with your partner. As you all know, we’ve been working on British authors, and that’s exactly what you’re going to focus on.”

 

* * *

 

 

“’R-R-Romeo and Juliet’, s-seriously?” Bill laughed, trying not to be too much of a jerk about it but failing miserably. “That’s _so_ r-r-romantic.”

“It’s not like I chose it myself. I don’t even like that play that much. I wanted to work on ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. I’m not even sure Bowers knows how to spell ‘midsummer’” Eddie said bitterly, torturing his mashed potatoes with the fork. “I mean, it’s a great play, but it’s so overrated. Two kids fall in love in a night and then kill themselves after, like, four days? That’s just bullshit.”

“Ever heard of love at first sight?” Stan replied, arching his eyebrows and smirking. “Besides, it’s a tragic love story. A classic. Who wouldn’t want someone to climb your balcony for you?” He said with a warm smile.

Eddie could feel his cheeks warm up and a blush spread across them. He cleared his throat and shrugged. “Juliet is a 14 years old idiot who doesn’t know shit about love and life, while Romeo is a shallow player who professed himself in love with someone else before he saw someone more beautiful.”

“Geez, Eddie,t-t-t- take a chill p-pill.” Bill laughed. “It’s just a p-play.”

“A stupid one.” Eddie muttered, folding his arms on his chest.

“Hey Eds.” Richie’s voice came from his right. He turned his head and found him standing with his tray in his hands and a cigarette tucked behind his ear.

“Don’t call me that, dipshit.” Eddie hissed and Richie chuckled.

“Wait for me after school, yeah? We can go to mine and start working on the greatest love story that has ever been written.”

“The greatest? I beg to differ.” Eddie’s snorted. “Why yours? Can’t we go to the library?” Eddie asked with a frown. Going to Richie’s house sounded like a step they weren’t ready to make in their weird relationship.

“Can’t do, Spaghetti. I’ve been banned from the library because I never shut the fuck up.” He explained. Eddie swore he heard Stan mumble “ _no shit_ ”.

“Fine, okay.” Eddie sighed. “I’ll see you later then.” Richie hummed and proceeded to join Beverly, Mike and Ben at their table. “Bill, I’ll tell my mom I’m at yours, is that okay?” Eddie asked, opening a blank text to send to his mother.

“Yes, of c-c-course.” Bill said easily. “Now, I have to go f-f-find my J-Juliet.” He grinned and stood up, walking to Audra’s table.

If Bill missed the look of sadness on Stan’s face, Eddie definitely didn’t. He shifted closer to his friend and nudged his shoulder. “Hey.” He said softly.

“M’fine.” Stan shrugged, head low. “I know I don’t stand a chance, Eddie. I’m going to get over it, sooner or later.”

“Maybe you should talk to him, you know? Let him know how you feel.” Eddie suggested.

“Yeah, that’s  a no. I can’t do that. I can’t and I don’t want to.” Stan shook his head and pushed his tray aside. “I’m not even hungry anymore.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So this is where you live.” Eddie didn’t imagine Richie’s house to be like that. He didn’t really know what he expected, actually. The place was neat and it smelled like fresh flowers. The curtains were all pulled open, so there was a lot of natural light inside. The color scheme of the house was amazing, alongside with the choice of furniture. “I really like it.”

“Mom was an interior designer when we lived in Cali.” Richie explained, leading him inside.

It was the first thing Richie said about his old life in California since they had started talking.

 There were a lot of framed pictures hanging on the walls, most of them of a very little Richie with very big front teeth and glasses that made his eyes look ten times bigger.

“Eds?” Richie said, amused. “I know I was a cute kid, but my room is upstairs.” Eddie flushed red. He followed him up the stairs, to a room with a piece of paper that read “Richie sleeps here” hung on the door.

Richie’s bedroom, unlike the rest of the house, looked like a bomb had just exploded inside: the duvet was half on the bed and half on the floor, the posters on the walls were hanging without a scheme, some of them so wryly that they would have made Stan’s eye twitch. There was a pile of clothes on the chair in front of an equally messy desk, and Eddie’s eyes were wide and his face slightly horrified.

“How do you live here?!” He screeched. “Nuh-uh, no way, let’s study in the kitchen. I don’t want to get a staph infection!” He said, backing away towards the door. Richie laughed and picked a sock from the ground, pointing it towards Eddie.

“Oh, I’ll show you a staph infection!” He laughed, and Eddie ran away. Richie chased him, trying to hit him with the dirty sock.

“You’re so disgusting, Richie! Stop!” He ran in the kitchen, putting the table between them.

“Or what?” Richie threatened, laughing as he waited for him on the other side of the table.

“Or I’ll rip your tiny dick off of you, squeeze it so tight it turns into raisin and feed it to you.” Eddie said, using his backpack to protect himself.

Richie burst into laughter, throwing his head back. “And then I’m the disgusting one!” He wiped a tear away from his eye, while Eddie was still tense and staring at that sock, which  looked much more like a  lethal weapon than a piece of clothing in that very moment.

“What’s going on here?” The two boys turned to their left, where a woman was standing with a bag of groceries between her arms and her perfect, dark eyebrows raised upwards. She was dressed in pastel blue, with a white shirt neatly tucked into her skirt and a pink purse hanging from her shoulder. She had her dark hair pulled up in a bun, and she was wearing lipstick.

Eddie had never seen his mom in lipstick, nor the high heels the woman was wearing.

“Richard, my god, put that horrible thing  in the laundry.” She sighed, putting the paper bag on the table.

“It’s just a sock! What’s your problem with socks, people, you wear them too!” He said, throwing his arms to the air.

“That sock has been in your shoes for a week and on your bedroom floor for three.” Eddie gagged. “Put it away and wash your hands.” The woman said, giving Richie an amused look.

“You’re a cruel woman.  Exposing me like this in front of Eddie Spaghetti.” He muttered, running upstairs to do as he was told.

“Oh, so you’re Eddie!” She said, as if she should have known. “You’re the reason my son spends every evening out, then.” She chuckled and offered him her hand. “I’m Maggie, Richie’s mom, obviously.”

Eddie took her (soft) hand and shook it gently, smiling awkwardly up at her. “Uhm, yeah. I… You know about that?”

She laughed again. Eddie noticed Richie had her exact same smile and lips. “Well, you think I’d let my son sneak out every night without asking where he’s going?” Eddie didn’t know why he thought it actually was like that. Maybe because he couldn’t believe that a mother would let her kid out after a certain hour on purpose. His own mother, after all, wouldn’t. “He always says that ‘he’s going to say hello to Eddie’. And now I finally get to meet you.” Her smile was contagious and sincere. Eddie wondered how anyone could dislike her.

“I don’t really know why he does that.” Eddie said, defensively.

“Uh, I’m pretty sure I have an idea.”  Eddie didn’t have the time to ask what her idea was.

“Are you talking about me?” Richie jumped the last four steps. “Only bad things, I hope.”

“The worst.” Maggie shot back, throwing Richie a pack of gums.

“Sweet! Thanks ma.” He offered Eddie one before putting one in his own mouth. It tasted like raspberry. Eddie wasn’t allowed to chew gums, because his mother always said they would have caused him cavities and that his teeth would have fallen off.

“What are you boys doing here? It’s sunny outside.”

“We have to work on a English Literature essay. Romeo and Juliet.” Richie explained, flopping down on a chair. “Eddie doesn’t like Romeo and Juliet. He thinks it’ shallow. I’ve been climbing his window for weeks and he doesn’t like Romeo and Juliet.” Richie said dramatically, shaking her head.

“I’m going to make you some sandwiches. You need energy to study.” She announced, while the two of them placed their books and notebooks in front of them.

“Thank you, Mrs Tozier.” Eddie said politely. She squeezed his shoulder as she walked behind him.

“Maggie is fine, dear.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Eddie, are you staying for dinner?”

Richie and him had been studying the whole afternoon. They had eventually decided to focus on the way the hatred between the families of the two lovers was probably “their real turn on”, as Richie poetically put it. Eddie had completely lost track of time. He couldn’t stay over for dinner, not even if he wanted to so bad.

 The thing about being with Richie, no matter what they were doing, was that the hours felt like minutes. He wasn’t sure he liked that, because it wasn’t fair. He wanted to enjoy each second he had with the other boy, but then the hours passed and Eddie didn’t even notice.

“Thank you, Mrs Tozier, but I have to go home. My mom is probably worried.” He said, standing up and collecting his books. “Can I use the bathroom before I leave?”

Maggie smiled. “Sure, dear. Last door on the right.” Eddie followed the instructions and found himself in the cleanest, nicest bathroom he had ever seen. Everything was just so nice in Richie’s house (apart from Richie’s own room) he wondered how  his mother could even think they were a dirty family. He was washing his hands when he noticed the shelf next to the mirror. There were five different pill boxes, very similar to those that used to be in his house when his mother forced him to take fake medications. Eddie knew he shouldn’t have nosed around, but Richie had already told him he had to take pills. The flacons were, in fact, all labeled with “Richard Tozier”. He frowned and bit down at his lower lip, before leaving the bathroom.

“Does he know about her?” Eddie stopped on his tracks when he heard Maggie’s voice.

“No. And I don’t want him to.” Was Richie’s reply. Eddie felt his heart sink in his chest.

Who was “her”? Why didn’t Richie want him to know about _her_? Did he have a girlfriend? A girlfriend in California? Why didn’t he tell him?

“Rich, sweetie-“

“No, mom.”

“I’m sure he would understand, he seems so-“

“Mom, _please_.” Richie’s voice was breaking.

Eddie made the last five steps to the kitchen. “I should get going.” He said, chewing the inside of his cheeks. Richie jumped, caught off guard, and turned to look at him. “You know, my mom-“

“Ah, Spaghetti man!” He said loudly, sounding in a complete different way than he did ten seconds before.  “You want me to walk you back to your tower?”

“I’m good, thank you.” He picked up his backpack from the floor, without missing the anxious look on Richie’s face.

“You sure? It’s dark outside. We don’t want any monster to creep you out or any alien to take you to another dimension.”

“Really, I’m fine. I’m just a block away, anyway.” He tried to smile and took a step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school. Bye, Mrs Tozier, thank you for the sandwich.” He turned and headed toward the front door.

“Eddie, wait!” He heard Richie call him, and stopped on the front porch. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

_No, dumbass, I’m not okay. Why are you lying to me? Why didn’t you tell me about her? Who the fuck is she?  I thought we trusted each other._

“I’m fine Rich, I just need to go home. You know how my mom is.” He said, forcing a smile.

“We can do it again tomorrow. You can come over and we can study, what do you say?” Richie asked, and Eddie wondered if he was really feeling as hopeful as he sounded.

“Yeah. Tomorrow sounds good.” This time, the smile came out a little more genuine. “Good night, Rich.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me????? There is an explanation I sWEAR
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for the love this fic is getting. Each of your comments and kudos makes my heart flutter in joy. Reading your opinions is my favorite thing ever, really, you are all so kind I'm speechless.   
> See you very soon with the next update :D


	4. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't like them innocent  
> I don't want no face fresh  
> Want em wearing leather  
> Begging, let me be your taste test  
> I like the sad eyes, bad guys  
> Mouth full of white lies  
> Kiss me in the corridor  
> But quick to tell me goodbye  
> You say that you're no good for me  
> Cause I'm always tugging at your sleeve  
> And I swear "I hate you" when you leave  
> But I like it anyway...
> 
> (Halsey, Ghost)

 

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?”

No, it couldn’t have been. He was definitely dreaming, there was no way in earth.

“It’s the East, and Edward is the sun.” Eddie opened his eyes. His bedroom was bathed in darkness and pale moonlight. He could hardly see the desk in front of his bed, but he could definitely see the silhouette outside his window. “Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou, her maid, are far more fair than she is.” Eddie stood up and slid his window open. His lids were still half closed, but there definitely was a blush on his cheeks, alongside with the print of his pillow.

“What the fuck, Richard?” Eddie muttered, sleepily.

Richie gasped, bringing a hand to his chest, dramatically. “He speaks! Oh, speak again, bright angel!”

“I’m gonna choke you with my bare hands, _Romeo_.” Eddie said, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands. “What the hell are you doing? It’s 3am, you’re gonna wake my mom up.”

“That’s the wrong line, Eds. You’re supposed to say ‘Oh Richard, Richard, wherefore art thou Richard?’” Richie grinned and pushed himself up on his knees to straddle the window sill.

“I’m thinking about a lot of things to say right now, and none of them are poetry.” Eddie snapped, keeping his voice low and glancing at the closed door of his room. “Why are you here? Do you ever sleep, at all?”

“Sometimes.” Richie tilted his head back and looked up at the moon. “I got bored. Plus, you left in such a rush earlier that I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“So you decided to climb my window at 3 in the morning and wake me up by reciting Shakespeare instead of waiting for the morning to see me at school?” Eddie asked, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

“Now, where would the fun have been in that?” Richie said with a wide smile that made Eddie’s chest feel warm.

“You are fucking insane, Tozier…” He said, shaking his head and smiling slightly at the floor.

“Can you let me in?”

“Absolutely not.  Go home. If my  mom finds you here, she’s gonna have your head on a pike on the front yard.” Eddie said, eyes wide.

“Are you always this graphic with your threats, or am I special?” He grinned, making Eddie roll his eyes. “Come on, Eds. I’ll be gone before sunrise. Let me sleep here?”

Eddie sighed and worried at his lower lip. Well, if Richie was going to leave before morning, his mother was never going to find out. She never came in his room before 7am, so it wouldn’t have been too much of a problem.

“Fine. But you gotta stop calling me that.” He sighed. Richie let himself in and Eddie closed the window, suddenly feeling very awkward because Richie was _in_ his room. There was a boy in his room. A boy that wasn’t Bill nor Stan. “You’re gonna sleep on the floor.” Eddie said, folding his arms on his chest.

“Can I at least have a blanket?” Richie giggled, sitting on the floor next to Eddie’s bed. “And a pillow?”

“You’d even like me to rub your feet and make you a tea in the morning?” Eddie said, dripping sarcasm. Richie laughed, and Eddie smacked his shoulder. “Keep quiet, for god’s sake.”

“Fine!” Richie giggled again when Eddie threw his spare pillow and his face and then offered him a blanket.

Both boys laid down. Eddie buried himself under the duvet, facing the wall, while Richie stared up at the ceiling.

“Hey, Eddie?” He whispered, and Eddie hummed, prompting him to go on. “When you went to the bathroom, this afternoon, did you see-?”

“The pill boxes?” Eddie asked, quietly. This time it was Richie’s turn to hum. “Yeah.”

Richie was silent for a couple of moments. “I have ADHD.” He said. Eddie turned in the bed to be able to look at him, and so did Richie. “If I don’t take them, I become very loud. I can’t keep still and I do stupid shit.” He explained, speaking lowly and making Eddie’s chest tight.

“So when will you start taking them?” Eddie teased, trying to making him laugh. And it worked. Richie  chuckled and the smile on his lips was warm and sincere.

“Well… stupider shit.”

“Like what?”

“That’s another story.” Richie closed his eyes and Eddie bit his lower lip.

“Rich?” The taller boy hummed again.

“Is that all those pills are about? ADHD? Nothing else?”

There was a pause.

“Goodnight, Eds.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Eddie! Wake up! You’re going to be late for school!” Sonia’s voice came muffled from downstairs.

Eddie opened his eyes, letting them get used to the light, and focused on the situation: he was lying on the edge of his bed, his right hand was on the floor and his pinky finger was curled around Richie’s. He blinked and pulled his hand away, swallowing the knot in his throat.

Richie looked different in his sleep, much younger. His mouth was slightly open and his front teeth were resting on the lower lip; the splash of freckles on his nose was emphasized by the sun hitting him in the face and his curls were messy and sticking in every direction.

“Eddie!” He heard his mother knocking on the door. “Why is the door locked, Eddie?”

Shit.

He sat up and shook Richie’s shoulder, while his heart was hammering in his chest. “Rich! Richie, wake up!” He whispered. The boy stirred and looked up at him with a crooked smile. “You have to go, now!”

“Well, isn’t this just the best awakening ever?” He muttered, and Eddie rolled his eyes.

“I’m awake mom! I’m getting dressed!” He yelled back, pushing Richie towards the window once he had stood up.

“Why is the door locked, Eddie-Bear? What are you hiding in there?” Sonia’s voice was suspicious and it made Eddie shiver.

“Nothing, mom! I’ll be out in a minute!” He opened the window. Richie grinned at him as he climbed outside, and Eddie couldn’t do anything but smile back at him. The fact that he had nearly been caught doing something his mother would have killed him for, was sending sparks down his spine.

“I’ll see you at school?” Richie asked, his eyes bright and shining. Eddie’s felt something flutter in his stomach.

“Yeah. Later.” He smiled again and closed the window. It took him less than a minute to pick up pillow and blanket and throw them back on the bed, dressing up quickly with a pair of faded jeans and an oversized, baby blue sweater and rush to the door, opening it. He had considered wearing Richie’s jacket, the one that was still hanging in his wardrobe, but he didn’t want to push his luck.

“Sorry mom.” She immediately looked  inside the room, almost as if she was hoping to find something off. “I overslept. Didn’t hear the alarm clock.” He kissed  her cheek and ran downstairs.

“Edward! Why was your door locked?” She asked again, her voice high pitched and her round cheeks flushed. “Are you hiding something from me?”

_Yes, mommy. I had a boy in my room last night. You hate him and you told me to stay away from me and I let him sleep in my room and a part of me, I don’t know how big, whishes I had let him sleep in my bed._

“What would I be hiding, ma? I’m almost 18, I just need a bit more of privacy.” He said, sounding calm and sweet.

“Privacy? Eddie-Bear, I’m your mommy. There’s nothing you should hide from me. Nothing to be ashamed of. I know that boys your age might have… urges-“ Eddie wanted to throw up.

“Mom-“

“And I know that you might think that it’s normal, but it isn’t, okay? Touching yourself is a sin, Jesus said that.”

“Where?” Eddie asked, feeling a little bold.

“In the Holy Bible!”

“Jesus didn’t write the Bible, ma.” Eddie sighed, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

“You will soon find a sweet girl to set up with. Maybe when you’re in college. Girls this age are so shallow, Eddie-Bear, they only care for looks, but they will soon notice you, too.” His mother cooed, petting his head.

“What’s wrong with my looks right now?” He asked, looking up at her with a frown. Not that he cared about being noticed by girls anyway, but something in his mother’s words was stinging.

“Nothing is wrong with your looks, sweetie. You will grow taller as well. And hopefully your features will become a little more masculine, just like your dad. He was so handsome, every girl in town wanted to date him, you know?” She said, turning her attention to the framed picture of her late husband.

“I won’t grow taller, mum. And not every boy has to grow a beard to be a boy.” He said while his grip on the fork he was holding tightened. “You know, boys can wear make up now. And nail polish!” His mind immediately ran to the first time he saw Richie wearing eye liner and nail polish. He had thought he was gorgeous.

“Don’t be silly, sweetie. Only girly boys and faggots wear make up and nail polish. Those things are for girls. Girls wear skirts and make up, boys play football and grow beards.” Eddie’s stomach twisted as he felt anger and discomfort building inside of him.

“You never let me play football.” He hissed.

“That’s because you’re so delicate, love.” Sonia looked at him with a smile that didn’t reach her ears.

Eddie knew his mother wanted him to be like his father. Frank Kaspbrak was a nice man. He was tall, fit and he had sand blond hair, always nicely shaved to the sides. Sonia had been pretty too, before Frank died. She was curvy and her hair were always combed in a bun and she smiled a lot. Eddie didn’t even remember that, his only memories of that time and about his fathers were foggy and he wasn’t even sure they were actual memories.

“I’m going to be late for school.” Eddie dropped the fork and stood up.

“Don’t forget your probiotics!”

 

* * *

 

 

Eddie was in an awful mood. That conversation with his mother had left him bitter and fuming, and he wanted nothing more than grab something and smash it against a wall. Not that he expected anything different from his mother. He knew how bigot she was, but hearing such things leave his mother’s mouth that early in the morning had been enough to make him sulking for the rest of the day. He avoided his friends, because he wasn’t in the mood for talking, and kept his gaze down during every class he went through.

“Hey! Fairy!”

Eddie’s eyes went wide. He had just washed his hands in the bathroom, when he saw Henry Bower and Victor Criss walking in.

_Why today?_

“Leave me alone.” He said, wiping his hands on his jeans. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh? The little faggot is not in the mood?” Eddie’s jaw tightened and his fists clenched.

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie said, and Victor and Henry laughed.

“Why? That’s what you are. You’re a little girly faggot.” Henry walked closer and Eddie backed until his back hit the tiled wall. From that close, he could smell Henry’s cheap cologne and his stomach turned. It smelled like musk and sweat at the same time. Why did Bowers even bothered wearing perfume? No one wanted to stand close to him, anyway.

He knew all too well what Henry Bowers was capable of. When he was twelve years old, Henry broke his arm and Eddie had been so scared of telling the truth to his mom that he said he had fallen from his bike.

“I don’t like having a faggot in my town.” Henry hissed.

“You should move then.” The punch hit him before he had the chance to speak the last syllable, right on his cheekbone. He felt a shot of pain run in his whole head and found himself blinking a couple of times, trying to stay focused and fighting the dizziness that was taking over him.  

“You’ve got some nerve, you little slut!” Henry shouted, angrily. “You’re basically begging you to beat the shit out of you!”

“Fuck off, Bowers!” Eddie shouted back, pushing the bully back and kicking him in the balls. Henry dropped to his knees, gripping his own crotch and whining, while Victor looked at Eddie with such wide eyes he would have laughed if he hadn’t been so high on adrenaline.

“Do something, you motherfucker!” Bowers egged Victor, who promptly took hold of Eddie’s sweatshirt and pushed him back against the tiles.

“What’s going on here?” Three pair of eyes turned to the door, where a lanky boy with a deadpan expression and kohl on his eyes was standing. Eddie felt his heart start beating faster, because Richie looked so damn badass in his leather jacket and combat boots and make up he wanted to take a picture. But maybe that wasn’t the right time.

“Fuck off, Tozier. We’re a little busy.” Henry got back up on his feet, swaying a little and still clutching at his crotch.

“Oh, yeah, I can see that. Two against one. How manly of you.” He said, looking unimpressed and leaning back against the door. “How about you let him go?”

“How about you go fuck yourself?” Henry snarled, cracking his fingers and glaring at Richie. “I’m teaching this faggot a lesson.”

“What lesson?” Richie asked, mocking fake interest.

“What happens to stupid girly boys who don’t know how to behave.” Henry explained and Richie nodded.

“How thoughtful of you, Henry.” Richie cooed, while Bowers’ eyes squinted.

“I’m losing my patience, Tozier.” Richie moved so fast that Eddie almost missed it. He grabbed Henry’s collar and pushed him back against the tiles. “What the fuck!?”

“Get the fuck out of here before I shove my first down your throat and rip your filthy tongue out of you, you fucking, coward cunt.” He punched him right in the face and a shot of blood sprayed from Henry’s nose. He stumbled towards the door and Henry tripped over his feet, falling on his ass. Victor let go of Eddie and rushed out of the bathroom.

“You broke my goddam  nose!” Henry cried, looking up at Richie with wide eyes and a hand on his face. There was blood running between his fingers and Eddie felt the urge to wash his own hands.

“You got any proof for that?” Richie asked, his eyebrows raised up.

“Well, my nose is _goddam_ broken!”

“Well, it’s my _goddam_ word against yours! Now get the fuck out of here!”

Richie slammed the bathroom door shut in Henry’s face and then turned his attention to Eddie, walking to him and cupping his bruised cheek, so softly that Eddie barely felt it. “Are you okay?”

“M’fine.” Eddie shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “I had it under control.”

“You sure did.” Richie chuckled. “I fucking hate that Bower kid.”

“Tell me about it.” Eddie moved to the sink and splashed some cold water in his face. Could that day go any worse? He looked up in the mirror and grimaced when he saw the bruise blossoming on his skin. “Fuck…”

“You can come to mine. I’ve got some concealer you can cover that with.” He said, burying his hands in his pockets. Sure as hell, Eddie couldn’t go home with a bruise on his face. His mother was going to freak out. “We could also study together, you know. For that Romeo and Juliet thing.”

“Yeah, alright.” Eddie agreed with a sigh. Two days in a row at Richie’s house? What was happening to the world? He glanced at Richie, who was swinging back and forth on his feet, and then looked at the ground. “I got it under control, but thank you.” He eventually said.

Richie smiled at him, then shrugged. “Anytime, Eds.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh my god, sweetheart, what happened to you?” Maggie’s eyes were wide as she rushed towards them. They had barely had the time to hang their jackets to the door.

“I’m fine, Mrs Tozier, really. It’s just a bruise.” Eddie said dismissively, smiling at the woman.

“A douche at school, ma. I’m taking Eddie to the bathroom and I’ll fix him up.”  

“Does your mother know, Eddie? Do you want me to call her?” Eddie immediately shook his head, with wide eyes. It startled Mrs Tozier.

“No, no, please. She’d take me to the hospital and possibly make me drop out of school. Really, I’m fine. Please?” Maggie looked at him with a worried expression, but then she nodded. After all, who better than Eddie knew how to deal with Sonia Kaspbrak? She had met her only a few times, but they had been enough. Sonia would never spare her as much as a glare, without even saying hello. Maggie couldn’t say she looked forward being Sonia’s friend.

“Alright, fine. Take him upstairs and take care of him, baby.” Maggie said to Richie, kissing his cheek. “I’m going to put the kettle on.”

The two boys walked upstairs. Eddie sat on the edge of the tub, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie, while Richie grabbed the first aid kit from the top shelf. They were both quiet, even though Eddie wanted to speak a thousand words and ask him a million questions. His gaze fell on Richie’s pills again, until the boy’s chest blocked his view. He knelt in front of Eddie, and the smaller boy’s heart fluttered when he realized how close they were.

“Your mom is the nicest person I’ve ever met.” Eddie said, breaking the silence. He meant it, he had never met someone that welcoming and warm. Not even his friend’s parents were that sweet towards him, and they had known him for years.

“She’s pretty amazing.” Richie agreed, wetting some cotton wool with the disinfectant. “Stay still.” He gently touched Eddie’s cheekbone with it and the smaller boy winced, pulling away. “Hey, come on, be a big boy and stay still.” Richie chuckled, bringing Eddie’s face close again.

“Fuck off.” Eddie mumbled with the hint of a smile on his lips. “Rich?”

“Mh?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?” He asked, staring at the boy’s face.

Richie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, while an amused smile curved his lips. “Why are you asking.”

“I just am. Do you?” He prompted again.

_Please don’t lie to me. I trust you and I want to keep trusting you. Please don’t break my trust._

 “No, I don’t have a girlfriend.” He replied easily.

Eddie didn’t know if he should have felt relieved or disappointed. He knew what he had heard the previous day, he didn’t imagine it. Who was the girl Richie and Maggie were talking about? Was Richie lying to him? Was he just going completely insane?

“Really?” Eddie bit his lower lip, and Richie’s hand stilled against his cheek. They looked into each other’s eyes, and Eddie felt his heart as it started beating ten times faster. They were close, so close that all it would have taken to fit their lips together would have been a tilt of his head. Did Richie want to kiss him? Was he just imagining everything? Why did Eddie even want to kiss Richie?    
He had so many questions and so little answers that his head was starting to spin. He saw Richie glancing down as his lips, and that made Eddie’s heart skip a beat and his pants grow a little too tight for his taste and his dignity.

“Rich-“

“Boys,” Maggie knocked softly on the door and the two of them broke eye contact, while Richie yanked back. Eddie knew his cheeks were flushed red, so he hid it by looking at the floor. “Tea’s ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank you all for the kind words and messages and love this fic is getting! I'm stunned tbh   
> Also leave comments if you want! They feed my cool soul and they honestly make my days  
> Come find me on tumblr if you want at @tozier-boy


	5. Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's so simple but we can't stay  
> Overanalyze again  
> Would it really kill you if we kissed?   
> All we do is drive  
> All we do is think about the feelings that we hide  
> All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign  
> Sick and full of pride
> 
> (Halsey, Drive)

 

“Eddie? Eddie, where are you going? It’s 10pm!” Sonia screeched, following her son down the stairs. He was wearing a pastel pink shirt tucked inside some high waist, faded jeans that had little rips on them. He had spent half an hour deciding if he liked that outfit before deciding that he didn’t have to impress anyone.

“It’s Friday, mom. I’m going out. I’m meeting up with Stan and Bill and we’re going to watch a movie. I’ll probably sleep at Bill’s.” He said, searching for his keys around the house, while his mother kept following him like a truffle dog.

“It’s too late to go out now! It’s already dark outside!” She pointed outside the window, as if being dark outside was something that would have made Eddie change his mind.

“Mom, I’m eighteen! I can handle going out at 10pm by myself!” Eddie protested, turning to face his mother, who was red in the face.

“Is this about a girl? Are you going out to meet up with a girl?” Eddie didn’t quite caught if his mother sound delighted or horrified. Maybe  mixture of both.

“No, mom. There’s no girl.” He said, trying not to snort in the meanwhile.

“Because if there is, you need to remember that God watches you, you know that, right? The Lord sees if you don’t wait until you’re married.”

Eddie wondered if God was watching him while he jerked off thinking about a boy.

“I’m sure God knows we’re not in 19th century anymore, mom. Plus, he should be far more concerned with what’s going on in Syria or Palestine rather than what I do in bed.” Eddie took his keys from the red bowl next to the door.

“How dare you!?” Sonia cried, grabbing Eddie’s wrist and pulling him back toward the living room. “You’re not leaving this house! Not with that attitude!”

“Let me go!” Eddie protested, trying to wriggle away from his mother’s grip. “I just want to go out and see my friends!”

“You should stay home and study! You remember Harvard, ah? Rings a bell? You need to stay home and focus on your homework, not waste your time hanging around with those people!”

“I’ll do my homework tomorrow! It’s Friday, ma! Please!”

Sonia looked at him, squinting her little eyes. Eddie thought she looked a bit like a mouse.

“I want you to know that I don’t like this attitude, young man. I’m your mother, you can’t talk to me like that.” She said, letting go of his wrist and folding her arms on her chest.

“I’m sorry, ma.” Eddie sighed, looking down at his feet.

“Now you can go. But I want you to think about how disappointed I am the whole time.”

_Sure, mommy._

 

* * *

 

 

“This place is not that bad. It would be better if it didn’t smell like a public toilet, but it’s not bad.” Stan said as they walked to the counter of the Dancing Clown, the only pub in the whole town that wasn’t frequented by parents or teachers. That was mainly why it was the favorite place to spend the weekend nights at among the students of the Derry High School.

The drinks were nothing special, the floor was always sticky and, as Stan had put it, it didn’t smell particularly nice. It was the only place where students could buy drinks and the owner of the place would let them without asking for an ID, so they had to go with what they had. Eddie wasn’t a fan of alcohol, anyway: he always thought it tasted disgusting and never saw the appeal, but it was nice, every now and then, getting loose for a bit and down a couple of shots with his best friends.

“Smell your c-c-collar, Stan.” Bill suggested and Stan complied. They all knew Stan would spray his cologne on the collar of his shirts.

“Can we get two Long Island and a Stawberry Caipiroska, please?” Eddie asked the greasy man behind the counter. He was so glad his mom had let him go out that night: there was a gig scheduled and he was in a great mood. He wanted to dance, maybe get a little drunk and forget about his responsibilities for at least one night.

They knew half of the people that were there. Mostly, it was senior students like them, but Eddie was sure he spotted a couple of fifteen years olds smoking beside the toilet door.

“I’m glad you came, Eddie. We hardly see you anymore these days.” Stan said as the man handed them their drinks. Eddie sipped his pink drink and it was pleasantly sweet on his tongue and a little stingy in his throat.

“That’s not true. I’ve just been busy with that English Literature essay and homework.” Eddie shrugged. Stan and Bill exchanged a look.

“Does t-t-this have anything to d-do with a certain p-p-person?” Bill asked, his eyebrows raised and a little smirk on his lips.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Eddie dismissed him, tugging the hem of his shirt down and avoiding eye contact.

“Speaking of which…” Stan said. His eyes were fixed on the other side of the bar.

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat as soon as he saw Richie leaning against the wall with his arm draped around Beverly Marsh’ shoulders. Eddie flushed red, realizing that he was wearing the jacket Richie had left him.

“Fuck.” Eddie mumbled, downing a long sip of his drink and turning to face the other way. “Did he see me?”

“I don’t think so, why?” Stan asked, his brows furrowing.

“This is his jacket.”

“F-f-fuck, r-really?” Bill’s eyes widened almost comically. “Why are y-y-you wearing his j-j-jacket? Are you guys like, a t-thing?”

“No! He lend it to me and I forgot to give it back.”

_Liar_.

“Well, he seems pretty into his conversation with Beverly right now, so…”

Eddie turned his head just slightly to look at the way the two of them were standing close. They were basically breathing on each other’s lips, and Eddie felt a knot tie his stomach up.

Was Beverly the girl Maggie mentioned? Did Richie lie to him?

Eddie had a million questions, so he decided to find the answers in the bottom of the glass, downing the rest of it in one last, long gulp. “Come on, I feel like dancing.” He said, putting the empty glass down on the counter and tugging his friends to the dance floor. He knew he didn’t have any right to feel jealous nor angry. Richie and him weren’t a thing and nothing had ever happened between them. But Eddie wasn’t perfect and his heart didn’t pay any attention to his mind as he started dancing, blatantly flirting with a college guy that was drinking a drink that smelled like fruit.

He didn’t care much about his school mates seeing. They already thought he was gay and teased him for it, so he might as well had given them something worth teasing him for. Bill and Stan were by their side, keeping an eye out for their friend as he laughed excessively loud at a joke that wasn’t funny at all.

“What’s your name again?” Eddie asked, speaking loudly in the guy’s hear and trying to hear his answer through the loud music.

“I’m Nathan!” He replied.

Nathan was a nice name. Nathan sounded like a nice guy with a nice life and nice folded clothes and nice family pictures hanging around his nice place. Nathan didn’t sound like someone that would climb through a window in the middle of the night, recite Shakespeare and punch a bully in the nose. Nathan sounded like someone you’d want to bring home for Thanksgiving and bake a pumpkin spice pie with, not someone that fucks with your head and leaves you wondering. Nathan had a clean face and a kind smile and his breath smelled like the fruity drink he was enjoying. Nathan was tall and broad and he probably played tennis since his right arm was much more muscular than the left.

_Or maybe he just jerked off a whole fucking lot._

He giggled at his own joke and looked up at Nathan feeling a little dizzy and definitely in the mood for another drink. Nathan was looking back at him and his eyes were blue and clear. No dark circles, no darkness inside of them, no eyeliner. Just plain, clear blue.

“Do you want to buy me another drink?” He asked, smiling up at him and biting his lower lip teasingly.

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. Another drink sound nice.”

Yeah, another drink sounded nice, but it definitely wasn’t a good idea. Eddie was already tipsy and, even though he couldn’t care less, he needed to slow down.

He didn’t want to slow down. He turned his head as Nathan took  his hand to lead him to the counter and he saw Richie’s gaze fixed on him. His jaw was set, his grip on the glass he was holding was so tight his knuckles had turned white.

Eddie giggled.

Beverly was saying something to him, so close to his ear that Eddie’s giggle died in his throat and he forced himself to look away from them.

“What do you want to drink?” Nathan asked kindly, taking his wallet out of his pocket. “I’ll have a Sex on the Beach.”

Eddie chuckled and nodded his head, clinging to his arm. “Evocative.” He giggled. “I’ll have one two.” The barman  nodded and prepared them their drinks quickly.

Nathan paid for them.

“Are you still in high school?” He asked, handing Eddie his drink.

“Yeah, but I’m a senior. In September I’ll be in college too.” He tilted his chin up, proud, and Nathan laughed softly.

“Don’t get your hopes too high, though. College is not that great, anyway.” 

“Better than High School, anyway. High School sucks. I can’t wait for it to be  over.” Eddie took hold of Nathan’s shirt and tugged him back towards the dance floor. “Come on, dance with me.” He said with a wide, teasing smile before taking a long sip of his drink.

 

* * *

 

 

Nathan’s hands were warm and big. They fitted nicely on the small of his back as they danced together, close to each other. His neck smelled like jasmine, which Eddie figured was his cologne, and his shirt a little like soap. Eddie liked it, because it meant it was clean and  fresh. He pressed himself against him a little more, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

Saying that Eddie was touch starved, would have been an understatement.

Being a gay boy in Derry wasn’t easy. Keeping it a secret meant he couldn’t date anyone, and anyway, there wouldn’t have been many options on the market, since basically everyone (if there was someone) was closeted. Sometimes he whish he was straight just because it would have been easier. He could have walked down the streets hand in hand with a pretty girl, kiss her in the daylight and hug her whenever he felt like it without being scared of someone seeing them. That would have been easier than hide in the dim light of a smelly bar to get some human contact that wasn’t his mom’s pecks or his friend’s friendly hugs.

“You are beautiful.” He heard Nathan saying in his ear, and it sent chills down his spine because his breath was hot against his skin.

He should have said something like “you are too” or “you’re not so bad yourself”, he knew that much.

“Thank you.”

Nathan held him a little tighter and turned them around on the dance floor. Now, Eddie could see the way Richie was looking at them, and it made him sick.

He literally wanted to throw up the four drinks he had right then and there.

Richie was still slumped against the wall, looking defeated. There was a different drink in his hand, one that looked way more strong than the last, and his eyes made Eddie’s heart hurt in his chest.

Eddie had always liked Richie’s eyes. They were dark and big and he could taste chocolate on his tongue only by looking at the shade of brown in them.

Now, they were just sad. Big, dark, sad eyes that made him want to cry. Why was he looking at him like that? He was there with Beverly. The _girl_. It had to be her, Eddie was sure. Beverly was beautiful. Beverly had red, wavy hair that always smelled like lavender and her eyes were as green as emeralds. Beverly wwas effortlessly cool. Eddie was sure she could have worn a trash bag and make it look like an haute couture piece of clothing. Beverly was right next to Richie anytime Richie wasn’t with Eddie. It had to be her, there was no other explanation.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Nathan asked, looking down at him. Eddie looked back at him, swallowing the knot in his throat.

“Why?”

“So we can go somewhere else. I don’t live far from here.” He said, and Eddie shook his head firmly.

“I want to stay here. I came with my friends.”

Where were Stan and Bill, anyway?

Nathan cupped Eddie’s cheek and stroked his lower lip. Eddie didn’t like that. He didn’t know if Nathan had washed his hands, he didn’t want him to touch his lips with dirty hands. Suddenly, he didn’t want Nathan to touch him at all.

Before he could say as much, Nathan’s lips were on his, warm and insistent. It didn’t taste bad, it didn’t felt bad, but Eddie wasn’t into it. Nathan was not the person he wanted to kiss. His hair was too straight, his eyes too clear, his shoulders too broad and his lips too smooth.

Eddie wanted chapped lips, wild hair, leather jackets, cigarette smell and lanky arms around him.

He pulled away from him, swaying a little, and shook his head. “I have to find my friends.” He said, refusing to look up at him. He only looked up once, to find that the spot that was filled by Richie and Beverly was empty.

Stan and Bill were sitting at a table side by side, and they stood up as soon as they saw Eddie. They looked worried, surprised, and maybe a little upset because, after all, Eddie had ditched their night out to spend the time with some random dude he didn’t even want to see again.

“Hey, are you okay?” Stan asked, frowning.

“I want to go home.” Eddie whined, gripping onto Bill and then Stan. “Can we go home?”

 

* * *

 

 

Eddie knocked on Richie’s front door at 5pm. It was Saturday, he wasn’t sure if Richie was going to be home, but it was worth giving it a try.

After they left the Dancing Clown, Eddie followed Bill home and crashed next to him on his bed. When he woke up, the only proof that what happened the night before really, _actually_ happened was the taste of cheap liquor still on his tongue, mixed with something even less pleasant. He didn’t remember much, but he remembered fairly clearly dancing with a college guy all night with the intention of making Richie jealous.

Which, now that it was day and that he wasn’t drunk anymore, sounded like the worst fucking idea he ever had in his entire life.

He had breakfast with Bill and his family, trying not to give away his hangover and smiling politely every time someone looked at him. Bill found it extremely funny. Eddie did not.

Stan texted him around midday to make sure he was okay. Sonia scolded him for answering his phone while they were having lunch.

He used the excuse of the library to leave the house again, promising his mom that he was going to be back before 6pm before closing the door behind his back.

“Eddie! What a nice surprise, it’s been _ages_!” Maggie teased, making Eddie blush a little. She was wearing a nice green dress that matched the pin in her hair. “Come in.”

There was a man sitting on the sofa, reading the paper. Eddie assumed it was Richie’s dad, because he had the same shade of dark hair and he looked just as tall.

“Richie’s in his room.” She said, standing in front of the stairs. Suddenly, she looked concerned. “It’s not really a good day for him, he hardly came out at all.” She spoke softly, and Eddie’s stomach turned.

Why was he feeling responsible? It wasn’t his fault, right? He was just having a bad day, it didn’t mean that it had anything to do with Eddie or what happened the night before.

“Can I see him? I just need to talk to him.” Eddie said, fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt.

“Of course. You know where his room is.” Eddie nodded and climbed a few steps. “Eddie…” He turned his head when Maggie called him. “Please don’t upset him, okay?” She pleaded. The look of worry in her eyes was enough to let Eddie convince himself that she was serious.

He nodded and ran upstairs, knocking softly on Richie’s door.

“M’not hungry.” Came the muffled reply from the other side of the door.

“Shame. The roasted potatoes I smelled when your mom let me in seemed delicious.” Eddie replied, and the room on the other side fell silent. “Richie?”

The door opened and Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. Richie was in his pajama, his hair was a wild mess and he had dark circles around his eyes. He looked paler than usual, which Eddie associated with the fact that he hadn’t left his room during the day.

“What are you doing here?” Richie asked. His voice was a little raspy.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Eddie raised his eyebrows. Richie shrugged.

“I thought you said my room was disgusting.”

“Fine.” Eddie sighed, rubbing his face. Richie was being extra difficult and he didn’t have the energy for that. “I saw you at the bar last night.”

“Yeah, I know you saw me. You didn’t come to say hello, though.” Richie sounded cold. It made Eddie uncomfortable.

“Well, you didn’t either.”  Eddie remarked, folding his arms on his chest.

“You looked a little busy with that guy’s tongue down your throat.”

Was he… _jealous_?

“That happened at least two hours after I got there! And  by the way, you looked a little busy with your girlfriend as well!” Eddie protested, his heart beating a little faster.

“My girlfriend?” Richie asked, genuinely confused. “I thought I already told you that I don’t have a girlf-“

“Stop lying!” Eddie exclaimed, upset. Richie stared at him with clueless eyes and it only made Eddie more angry. “I’m not stupid, Richie! I may not be as cool and alternative as you are, but I’m not an idiot. I heard your mother asking you if you told me about “her”. I saw the way you and Beverly always stand so close to each other. I might not come from California, but one plus one equals two all over the world.” He said, looking up at Richie with his fists clenched.

Richie was silent for a couple of seconds. “Are you done?” He eventually asked, his head ducking a little.

“You’re so fucking infuriating! Why can’t you just admit the truth? I thought we were friends, okay? I thought we trusted each other enough to be honest.”

“Fuck off, Eddie. You don’t get to come into my house and make a scene just because you think you understood everything while you didn’t actually understand shit. You want to jump to your stupid conclusions? Fine, go right ahead, but _you_ were the one who spent the whole night in some guy’s arms, so what do you want from me?!” Richie sounded upset as well. In fact, Eddie had never heard that voice.

He had started to tell Richie’s voices apart, because they were usually funny in their very own way, but this was a new voice.

This was shaky and tired and angry and hurt. Mostly hurt. It made Eddie want to cry.

_Everything. I want everything from you. I want you to stop looking so hurt because I don’t understand what’s going on. I want you to tell me that I didn’t imagine things, that there is something unspoken between us and that it’s fine if we both don’t know what it is, but that we will figure it out together. I want you to tell me you’re jealous, that you don’t want someone else to touch me. I want you to touch me._

“I don’t want anything from you.” Eddie replied, but it was actually his pride talking. His stupid, stubborn pride.

“Then what are you doing here?” Richie asked, and Eddie shook his head. “You came here just to mess with me? Go right back to your college boyfriend, Eddie. The one you were making out with while wearing _my_ goddam jacket!” With that, Richie slammed the door right in his face.

Only at that point, he allowed himself to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... I'm sorry?


	6. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was as pure as a river  
> But now I think I'm possessed  
> You put a fever inside me  
> And I've been cold since you left  
> I've got a boyfriend now and he's made of gold  
> And you've got your own mistakes in a bed at home  
> I'm hoping you could save me now, but you break and fold  
> You've got a fire inside, but your heart's so cold  
> 'Cause I've done some things that I can't speak  
> And I tried to wash you away, but you just won't leave.
> 
> (Halsey, Haunting)

Eddie woke up with a wet, sticky patch in the front of his pants and his breath a little ragged. He groaned to himself, rubbing the palms of his hands on his tired eyes and kicking the covers off of him.

It was happening far too often for Eddie’s liking, and he had no idea of what to do about it.

Every single dream felt so real he found himself waking up in the morning thinking he could still feel the warmth on Richie’s lips on his neck and the strength of his hands on his hips. It was always the same dream, the same situation: Richie climbs through the window, sneaks in his room, Eddie launches himself at him and suddenly they’re wrapped around each other and Richie is thrusting his tongue deep inside of Eddie’s mouth, leaving him into a moaning mess. Eddie couldn’t even think about the rest of the dream without getting hard again.

He felt a little guilty and a little dirty as he threw his stained briefs in the laundry basket and took a clean pair from his underwear drawer. Richie and him hadn’t been talking since their fight and there he was, cleaning up the mess he’d made by dreaming about getting fucked into the mattress by someone who didn’t even talk to him anymore.

“Eddie bear! Breakfast’s ready!” He heard his mother calling from downstairs. He considered faking a fever or a flue, but he decided that facing the English Literature presentation with Richie was anyway better than staying home all day long with his mother or being dragged to ER.

He took a quick shower to wash the stickyness of his come away and dressed up with jeans and a baby blue shirt before he ran downstairs, combing his hair with his fingers.

“You should cut your hair, Eddie. It’s getting too long. You almost look like a girl when it curls around your ears. Do you want people to mistake you for a girl?” Sonia put a plate of scrambled eggs and toasts in front of him and Eddie poured some orange juice in a clean glass.

“They’d mistake me for a girl even if I grew a moustache, ma.” He replied tiredly, gulping a long sip down and playing with the eggs in his plate, feeling his stomach completely knotted.

“That’s because you’re so delicate, sweetie. A little angel.” Sonia cooed, petting his hair.

Eddie wondered if he could have been considered a little angel even though he had just woken up after a dream where he was screaming and moaning any kind of obscenity and profanity while a punk boy with black nail polish and eyeliner fucked him from behind.

He smirked down at his plate of tortured eggs as his clueless mother bent down to kiss his hair.

 

* * *

 

 

 “Very well, now it’s Edward and Richard’s turn.” Mrs Clarks announced once Lucas and Sam had sat back at their desks after their presentation of “The Twelfth Night”.

Eddie eyed Richie as the boy stood up. He was wearing dark jeans and a tank top that underlined his gangly arms and his long, pale neck.

He didn’t want to stand next to Richie in front of the whole classroom and he didn’t want to talk about Romeo and fucking Juliet. Honestly, all he wanted to do was bang his head against the surface of his desk until he passed out. Or possibly died.

Since they hadn’t been talking to each other for an entire week, they had both ended up writing their own essay. Eddie didn’t think it was going to be a problem, since they were about the same book, anyway.

“You’ve been assigned to Romeo and Juliet, am I right?” The teacher asked, checking the list. “You want to introduce what is it about to your classmates?”

Eddie opened his mouth to speak, but Richie was faster.

“I bet every single kid in this class knows what Romeo and Juliet is about. Everyone in the whole fucking world knows it. It’s the bible of the plays.” Richie snapped, rolling his eyes.

Eddie stared at him as if he was crazy, while the whole class giggled and Mrs Clarks’s mouth was hanging open.

“But okay. This is what we’ve learned from it.” He started, and Eddie’s put a hand on the taller boy’s mouth.

“He’s not entitled to speak for me!” Eddie said quickly, but Richie shoved his hand away and glanced at him in a way that was halfway through the amused and the pissed off. “Richie, I swear to g-“

“You want to talk about Romeo and Juliet, Mrs Clarks? Alright. They live in Verona, which is in Italian city populated by assholes. Romeo and Juliet are the king and queen of assholes, you want to know why? Because they fell in love, and love is for stupid assholes. This play is basically about a bunch of assholes who fell in love, like assholes, and then died, like assholes. Shakespeare himself was a huge, bisexual asshole.” He threw the essay he was holding into the air and then bowed in front of the class before walking out.

Inevitably, all eyes were fixed on Eddie, who was flushed red and slightly panicking. He could hear the giggles, the whispers. He could feel the cold, shocked stare of the teacher and his mind was screaming.

_You can say goodbye to Harvard. Say goodbye to everything you love, because your life has just been screwed up. Be ready to be grounded for the rest of your life._

“He has been kinda hard to deal with lately.” Eddie muttered, gesturing towards the door in an almost comical way. “Excuse me.” He ran out of the class and immediately spotted Richie’s back before he disappeared in the bathroom. Eddie’s fist clenched hard as he stormed after him, yanking the door open and pointing his index finger at him.

“Are you a fucking idiot?!” He screeched, fuming. Richie turned to look at him with his brows furrowed.

“Don’t call me an idiot.”

“I didn’t call you an idiot. I _asked_ if you were an idiot!” He shoved Richie and sadly noticed how the taller boy barely flinched. “You just ruined my life! Literally! I hate you!”

“Aren’t you being a little dramatic over here? I did it by myself, Mrs Clarks is gonna punish me, not you. Take a chill pill and stop overreacting.” Richie said, rolling his eyes.

“My mom was right about you. You’re a menace!” Eddie said, pushing him again and looking up at him with wide, angry eyes. “She was right all along!”

“Oh, cry me a river, Edward!” Richie exclaimed, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands to the air. “That’s what you liked about me all along! The fact that your mother hated me was what turned you on the most, because you’ve always done what she told you to do and being my friend was your first real transgression.” He snapped, taking a step towards Eddie who was completely speechless, staring un at him with a flush on his cheeks and his body stiff. “You think I don’t know what dear Sonia thinks about me? Or about my mother? She doesn’t know shit about us! And neither do you!”

“Oh, I don’t know you!?” Eddie snapped back, upset. “Maybe that’s because you never fucking _talk_ to me! You act all mysterious and edgy  and do nothing but lie to me!”

“When did I ever lied to you, uh? And I swear to god, if you mention my nonexistent girlfriend again I’ll fucking throw myself out of the window. I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t. Not here, not in California, not anywhere.” Richie was towering over him, and Eddie wanted nothing more than grab a chair from a classroom, bring it into the bathroom and stand on top of it.

“You hid things from me. You still do. You think it’s cool to make me open up to you and then keep secrets from me? Well, I’ll tell you what: it’s not. It’s fucking annoying and frustrating. You’re annoying and frustrating.”

“Am I? Is that why you made out with mr Handsome at the Dancing Clown right in front of me?”

“ _Oh my god_! Would you let that go? I was _drunk_! And if you’re so jealous, why didn’t you make a move before he did?” Eddie provoked him, staring up in his eyes and holding eye contact.

“A move? You want me to make a move?” Richie walked closer, and Eddie could see how blown wide his eyes were. It made his stomach flip and his jeans feel a little too tight.

“Maybe now it’s too late.” Eddie replied, swallowing the knot in his throat.

Before he could say anything else, Richie’s hands were on his hips and his back was pressed up against the bathroom tiles.  Eddie’s breath caught up in his throat and his hands flew to Richie’s tank top, grabbing it and pulling him closer, so that their lips were almost touching and they were sharing the same air. Eddie was breathing fast, while Richie seemed more in control of himself. The only thing that gave him away was how tight his grip was on Eddie’s hips.

“Doesn’t look like it’s too late.” Richie breathed, and their lips brushed together as he spoke. Eddie wanted to shove him away. He wanted to scream and yell about how infuriating he was. Instead, he found himself grabbing a fistful of Richie’s hair. They looked into each other’s eyes and Eddie could feel electricity and adrenaline run in his blood. His head felt light and a little dizzy and Richie’s warm breath on his face was making his knees weak.

“Did he kiss you like you wanted to be kissed?” He asked lowly, making Eddie part his lips and chase Richie’s mouth.

Richie reached Eddie’s cheek with one hand, cupping it and stroking his perpetually pouty bottom lip. Eddie’s lids were half closed, his breath ragged as Richie kept brushing their lips together without kissing him yet. It was making him insane: the teasing, the warmth radiating from Richie’s chest, the tightness in his pants.

“Are you still mad at me?” Eddie asked, holding Richie’s hair tighter and moving his other hand up like Richie did, cupping the taller boy’s cheek.

“You were wearing my jacket while you kissed him.”

“He kissed me.” Eddie clarified, looking up at Richie. His eyes were dark and lust filled and Eddie’s heart flipped in his chest. “I didn’t want him to.”

“Why?”

_Because he wasn’t you. Because it’s driving me insane just standing this close to you and holding you like this. It’s you, it’s you, it’s always you._

The bell rang and Eddie was this close to jump out of his skin. From the other side of the door came the loud chattering of the students leaving the classrooms. Any moment now, someone would have walked into the bathroom and found them like that.  Richie pulled away from him, making Eddie miss the closeness between them.

“Rich-“

Richie left the bathroom without saying anything else.

 

* * *

 

 

“Is it t-t-true that Tozier completely l-lost it during the p-p-presentation? Rumor has it he’s g-g-gonna get expelled.” Bill asked at lunch. Eddie barely touched his tuna sandwich, eventually deciding to ignore it completely.

“Yeah, very much true.” Eddie confirmed, rubbing the palms of his hands on his eyes and sighing deeply. “I don’t know if he’ll be expelled, but something’s gonna happen for sure. I never heard so many “asshole” in a speech that brief before.”

Bill chuckled and Stan elbowed him in the ribs. “It’s not funny, Bill. It was Eddie’s presentation as well.”

“Yeah, and now it’s screwed up. But whatever, I mean, I’ve accepted my fate. My mom’s gonna skin me alive and probably donate my organs to science.” He said, already picturing himself down on his knees, praying his mother to spare his life. 

“That’s it? Aren’t you mad at him?” Stan frowned. Thinking about it, the fact that Eddie was taking it fairly well was surprising.

“No, it’s okay. I fucked up as well.” He said, dismissively. He stood up with his tray and threw everything in the trashcan. On his way back to his table, Patrick Hockstetter, one of Henry Bower’s guard dogs, made him trip over his ankle and Eddie fell to the ground. He ended up on his hands and knees, staring down at the floor in disbelief. 

“Look at the little faggot! He literally just fell at my feet!” He laughed, high-fiving Henry, who was sitting at his left.

The whole dining hall started laughing, and Eddie was flushed red when he stood up.

Without even thinking about it, he grabbed a handful of spaghetti and turned to look at Patrick with a cold, dead stare.

“Yeah. I’m a little faggot.” He said, feeling weirdly confident as a shot of adrenaline made him stand up a little straighter, ignoring the pain in his knees from when he dropped to the dirty, sticky floor. “And you can suck my queer, rainbow dick.” He threw the spaghetti right into Patrick face, leaving the bully speechless for a couple of seconds.

Every single kid present was staring.

“Hey, fuckface!” Richie called, and Patrick turned his head.

“What!?”

“Don’t say ‘what’ when he calls you a fuckface, you fucking retard!” Henry slapped the back of Patrick’s head and, before either of them could notice, Richie had splashed them both with the coke in his glass.

Eddie couldn’t help a wide grin to curve his lips as someone yelled “ _food war_!”and suddenly  spaghetti, meatballs, sandwiches and piece of fruit started flying into the air.

Eddie, Stan, Bill and Richie, soon joined by Beverly, Mike and Ben kept targeting Henry and his gang and soon Eddie’s clothes were stained with marinara sauce, mustard  and something sticky in his hair.

He was laughing.

Probably, he had never laughed that hard in his entire life. He felt almost like a maniac as a meatball he had thrown hit Henry bowers right in the eyes.

They, people started running when the headmaster stormed in the cafeteria and suddenly Richie’s hand was in his and they were running for their lives, lacing their fingers together as they both kept laughing.

“You’re fucking crazy, Edward Kaspbrak!” They were outside. Skipping the last period was most definitely the only choice, since they were both covered in food and they were the ones who started throwing things in the first place.

“But have you seen their faces?” Eddie laughed, his eyes bright and his grin wide. He had never felt more alive. More powerful. More reckless.

He _loved_ it.

Richie pulled him close and cupped his cheeks, wiping a smear of ketchup away from his cheekbone. Eddie did exactly the same, taking Richie’s face between his hands and looking up at him with his heart beating out of his chest.

They were outside, in the plain day, in the middle of the street for anyone to see and Eddie didn’t care. He only cared about the way his heart was beating, his stomach was tightening and his head was spinning. He only cared about the way Richie’s eyes were fixed on his, the way he was holding him and the smile on the taller boy’s lips.

“You’re fucking crazy, Edward Kaspbrak…” Richie repeated, much more softly this time. Eddie chuckled and leaned into Richie’s touch. There was a noodle hanging from his fringe and Eddie took it between two fingers, throwing it away before standing up on his tiptoes and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Can I come to yours and clean myself up?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Mom, just listen to me.” Richie tried, but Maggie shot him a glare that shut him up immediately. She was pacing the room and the sound of her high heels hitting the floor echoed into Eddie’s head. They were both wearing clean clothes. Eddie was snuggled into one of Richie’s hoodies (which was at least four sizes too big on him) and a pair of long sweatpants that he had rolled up around the ankles.

“I am disappointed in you. Both of you! Starting a fight is never the answer!”

“It was a food fight!” Richie protested, rolling his eyes tiredly.

“Even worse! You wasted food! You know what I think about food waste!” Maggie exclaimed, banging her hand down on the table.

“But ma, he called Eddie a faggot.” Richie said, and Maggie stopped walking, looking at Richie and then at Eddie.

“Is that true?” She asked, her tone was much more soft now.

Eddie nodded his head, and then shrugged. “It happens all the time. But I just couldn’t take it anymore, you know? I was the one who started it, Richie came only to help me, I swear.” He said, trying to defend his friend from his mother’s anger. But part of the anger had already been wiped away from Maggie’s soft features.

“Well, I’m gonna have a word with the headmaster.” She said, sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. “It’s not completely your fault, so maybe they’ll close an eye.”

“Yeah, about that…” Richie looked down at his feet. “I may have done something else.” He said, looking back at his mother with a shit eating grin printed on his face.

“Richard Tozier.” She warned, sounding a little exasperated.

“Hello!” The front door opened and then closed and the same man Eddie had seen reading a paper on the couch a week before appeared in the kitchen. He was loosening the green tie around his neck as he bent down to kiss his wife’s cheek. Eddie couldn’t help but notice how tall he was.

Doctor Tozier had nice teeth. That’s the second thing he noticed. He was a dentist so, of course, he must have paid extra attention to his mouth’s well being. His teeth were blindingly white, just like Maggie’s. They were regular and proportioned, unlike Richie’s front teeth.

Eddie liked Richie’s big front teeth much better.

Wentworth Tozier was a smiley man. Maybe that was because he had nice teeth.

“Your son was just about to tell me what he did today at school.” Maggie said, folding her arms on her chest as her husband wrapped a loving arm around her waist.

“ _My_ son? Damn, it must be something bad if he’s my son only.” Wentworth said with a chuckle, giving Richie a fond look and then offering Eddie his free hand. “Wentworth Tozier, I’m Richie’s dad. You must be Eddie. He never shuts up about you.” Eddie shook his hand and giggled, while Richie groaned beside him.

“ _Dad_ …” He whined, burying his face in his hands.

It was domestic. Eddie almost felt home. Richie, since he had started to get to know him, was so different from how he imagined him to be.

He wasn’t the extra cool guy he pictured in his mind: he was an awkward teenager just like Eddie was.

“Went, _focus_.” Maggie sighed. “Richard. Go on.”

“Right, you know what? I’m sure school will call you anyway. And it’s not like I killed someone, you know? I just… freaked out a bit and fucked up the presentation we had today.”

“Language, young man.” She scolded, and Richie rolled his eyes. “What did you do?”

“He basically said how Romeo and Juliet are assholes and how the whole book is for assholes. Literally.” Eddie cut in, glancing at Richie. “It was inspiring, really. I’m sure any Literature’ critic couldn’t have said it with better words.” He tried to joke, but Maggie wasn’t in the mood for a laugh.

“Did you take your medications this morning, Richie?” She asked, and Eddie felt Richie go stiff by his side.

“This isn’t about that, ma. I was upset.”

“Did you?” She asked again, and Eddie saw Wentworth hold her a little tighter, in a reassuring and calming way.

“ _Yes_.” He hissed, glaring daggers. “Also thank you for bringing it up in front of him!”

“Rich, it’s okay.” Eddie tried to comfort him, putting a hand on his forearm.

“No, it’s not! Am I not allowed to be upset sometimes? Even if I take those goddam pills?!” Richie stood up, kicking the stool in front of him.

“Hey. Calm down.” Wentworth let go of Maggie and walked towards his son. “Just breathe. Remember? In and out. No one’s mad at you here.”

“She is!” Richie said, pointing at his mother.

“I’m just trying to understand what’s going on, Richie. If you get yourself expelled, it’s gonna be a pretty big deal.” She reasoned.

“Nothing’s going on! I was upset, okay? I was upset and I wasn’t in the mood for talking about love.”

Eddie pressed his lips together into a thin line, feeling like he was responsible for that.

“Filter, Richie, remember? You can’t speak whatever’s in your mind.” Wentworth sighed, pressing to fingers to his temples.

“Well, that’s just bullshit!” Richie protested.

“Language!” Maggie snapped.

“Fuck language!” Richie’s hands were shaking and that’s when Eddie cut in, stepping in front of Richie and putting his small hands on the taller boy’s chest.

“Hey, look at me. Rich, look at me.” He put a hand on his cheek and Richie’s gaze fell on Eddie’s face. He was breathing fast, and Eddie could feel how fast his pulse was when he moved his hand to his neck. “Breathe.” He said, calmingly, and Richie seemed to relax under Eddie’s touch.

The phone in the living room rang, and Wentworth went to get it. Maggie, as Eddie kept all of his attention fixed on Richie and vice versa, poured some orange juice in four glasses.

“It was the school.” Mr Tozier said once he came back in the kitchen. “The headmaster wants to meet us to discuss with us about Richie’s behavior.” Maggie nodded at his words, rubbing her eyes. “I told them we’ll meet him tomorrow afternoon.”

It hit Eddie like a train. If school had called Richie’s house, then they had probably-

The doorbell rang before he could finish the thought.

When Maggie opened the door, a fuming Sonia Kaspbrak was standing there, red in the face.

“Mom-“ Eddie murmured. Sonia walked in without a word, grabbing Eddie by the arm and yanking him away from Richie.

“Mrs Kaspbrak, If you could just-“ Maggie tried, but it only made Sonia more angry.

“You horrible, horrible people! I knew you would have only brought troubles along with you! You should have stayed in California, where horrible people like you belong. My son would have never initiated a fight if it wasn’t for your disgusting, dirty kid! Keep him away from Eddie, or there will be consequences.”

Eddie felt his eyes fill up with tears. There was shame in them. Shame and embarrassment and anger. He could feel Richie's hurt in his own chest. 

Before anyone could say anything, the Kaspbraks had left the Tozier’s house.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who's leaving kudos, comments, bookmarks and who's even only reading this story!   
> I'm overwhelmed by the love this fic is getting, really. 
> 
> I'm pretty insecure about this chapter, but I also kinda like it, so I'm conflicted.   
> If you could leave a comment with your opinions, ideas or even (constructive) criticism it'd made my day!   
> Find me on tumblr @Tozier-boy
> 
> (Richie's presentation in the English literature class has been inspired by Crazy Stupid Love)


	7. Good Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They told me once, "there's a place where love conquers all"  
> A city with the streets full of milk and honey  
> I haven't found it yet, but I'm still searching  
> All I know is a hopeless place that flows with the blood of my kin  
> Perhaps hopeless isn't a place  
> Nothing but a state of mind  
> They told me once, "don't trust the moon, she's always changing"  
> The shores bend and break for her  
> And she begs to be loved  
> But nothing here is as it seems
> 
> (Halsey, Good Mourning)

“You disobeyed me! I told you to stay away from those people and you blatantly ignored me!” Sonia yelled, while Eddie was sitting on the sofa, staring out of the window. “You know who does that? Dirty boys do that. Dirty, _filthy_ little boys disobey their mommies!” Her face was bright red and her forehead had little droplets of sweat on it. “They are strangers, Edward! Strangers from another state! They don’t belong here, and that disgusting boy is not your friend, you understand me?!” She screeched, stomping a foot on the rug.

“Yes he is! He is not disgusting!” He protested, standing up. “He is my friend and you don’t know him! You don’t know them at all! They are the kindest people in town!”

“That woman is a slut! Only sluts wear skirts that short!” She barked, her face getting even redder and her thick arms wriggling around in the air.

“You’re just jealous because she’s beautiful and you’re not!” Eddie cried, watching as his mother’s eyes widened and her mouth fell agape. “She is more beautiful than any other jealous bitch in this shit hole town!”

He saw the slap coming, so he quickly avoided it, making his mother even more upset and shocked.

“How dare you? You ungrateful, dirty little-“

“Little what, ma? Uh? Little boy? I’m not your little boy. I’m not a little boy. I’m not!” Eddie swapped his mother’s hand away, his brows furrowed and his fists clenched. “You wish I was still your little, innocent, delicate boy but I’m not, not anymore. I’m not innocent, I’m not delicate and yes, I may be 5’4’’, but I sure as hell ain’t little! I can take a beating, I can stand up for myself and you didn’t teach me any of that! I taught myself how to be brave and strong and proud! And I’m sick of you telling me how I’m small and delicate!” He grabbed the vase with the fake flowers from the cabinet and threw it against the wall.

Sonia was looking at him with such wide eyes he found himself wondering whether they were going to roll out of her head or not.

“Edward, you better apologize and clean up the mess you’ve made or-“

“Or what? You’re going to lock me in my room? You’re going to ground me?” He looked at her right in the eyes, his breathing a little ragged and his cheeks flushed with rage. “Fine! But you can’t stop me from being Richie’s friend!”

“Yes I can! I will monitor every single move you make. You want to challenge me, Edward? You think I will hesitate if it comes to make you drop out of school and keep you in this house forever?” She took a few steps towards him and grabbed the collar of his shirt. “You really think I was going to let you go to Harvard? That far away from me?”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he pushed her away, freeing himself from her sweaty grip. “What did you do?”

“I threw the letter that came away. You’re going to the community college here in Maine.” She said, matter of factly.

“You threw my letter away!? You opened my mail? You’re insane!” Eddie backed away, feeling his eyes stinging with angry tears. “Why would you do that?!”

“Because you’re my son and I won’t ever let anyone take you away from me! You’re going to U-Maine and you’re staying here with me! End of discussion!” She pointed at him with her thick index finger, glaring daggers.

“You said you wanted me to go to Harvard!”

“I only wanted you to be quiet and make you believe you were going to get what you wanted. But don’t worry, sweetie. U-Main is just as good. You don’t need to go that far to get a good education. You know I only do what’s best for you.”

“What’s best for _me_? You think this is what’s best for _me_? You only do what’s best for you, you selfish bitch!” Eddie snapped.

This time, he didn’t see the slap coming.

It hit him right on the left cheek, leaving him dazed for a couple of seconds. He felt the whole left side of his face on fire.

“Look what you made me do, Eddie.” Sonia sighed, shaking her head. “You made me hit you.” Eddie put a hand on his cheek, feeling it sting underneath his fingers. “You’re going to be grounded for a long time, Eddie bear. But don’t worry, we’ll use this time to work on your attitude.” She cooed, with a wide, fake smile as he reached up with a hand to pet his hair.

Eddie shook his head and put more space between the two of them. “Do not fucking touch me!” Eddie cried. He ran upstairs, ignoring his mother’s protests and slammed the door closed, locking himself inside. He quickly grabbed a bag, shoving a change of clothes, his phone charger and his laptop inside, put a hoodie on and swung the backpack around his shoulders. His heart was beating fast, but he wasn't going to stop. He couldn't take it anymore. He needed to get away, at least for that night, and he needed to get away in that very moment. 

He made sure the door was locked twice before he opened the window and slipped outside, closing it behind. He had never done anything like that. He had never climbed down his window, but if Richie could do it, then why couldn’t he?

He moved carefully, trying to be as silent as possible as he reached for the tree and used it to climb down to the ground.

He didn’t even think about it: he headed straight to Richie.

He knew Bill would have asked him a hundred questions, and his parents were probably going to call his mother and warn her that he was there.   
Stan couldn’t have people over during week nights, and that was his father’s unbreakable rule.

Richie. He wanted to see Richie. He wanted to talk to Richie.

He wanted Richie.

 

* * *

 

 

“Eddie? Oh my god, dear, are you okay?” Maggie immediately let him in, looking at him with worried eyes. Eddie hoped with everything he had that the woman wasn’t mad at him for his mother’s words, but before he could worry too much Maggie’s arms were around him.

“I’m fine. I sneaked out.” Eddie mumbled, returning her hug. Maggie Tozier smelled like lavender. “I just want to see Richie. Can I? Please?” He asked. No. _Pleaded._

Maggie didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, and Eddie felt like she was reading into him. She sighed and nodded. “Eddie, if you need to talk about… well, anything. You can talk to me, okay? Just remember it.” 

Eddie couldn’t help but smile at Mrs Tozier’s kindness. “Thank you.” He breathed before running upstairs. He swung Richie’s door open without knocking and the taller boy immediately turned, looking at him with wide eyes. 

Eddie could tell Richie didn’t stay still since he left because he was breathing fast. Richie was always fidgeting with something, bouncing his leg or playing with his lighter, but when he was nervous his ADHD used to get worse.

“Ed-“

He didn’t even let him speak: before Richie could say anything or ask any question, Eddie’s lips were against his.

He wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, pulling him down, while Richie’s lanky ones winded around Eddie’s thin waist, pushing him up against the wall as their lips crashed against each other in an almost desperate way.

Eddie could tell Richie drank orange juice, because he could taste it on the tongue that was currently sliding against his in one hot, open mouthed kiss that Eddie had never experienced before. He felt his head spinning as he tangled his fingers in Richie’s knotty hair and Richie’s grip on him grew tighter.

He had kissed people before. Without counting his mother’s pecks when he was little, he had kissed a girl during a stupid party game when he was 15. He remembered washing his mouth and brushing his teeth six times before bed that day because the girl had smoked and he could still taste the bitter taste of ash on his lips.   
He had kissed his first boy when he was 16 and he was on holiday with his mother. He remembered  that his name was Kyle and that he probably applied more lip balm than it was necessary. His lips were slightly sticky and a little clumsy, but he liked it way better than  his first one. Kyle kissed messily and a little awkwardly, but, after all, Eddie probably did too.   
After Kyle came Oliver. He was 17 and Oliver was 21 and it tasted like the strawberry gum the older boy had been chewing. He was the first boy to ask him out on a date, but that date never came. He quickly found out Oliver had a girlfriend, Emma, who didn’t like it one bit when she found out what had happened.   
Nathan was the last person Eddie had kissed. Four people weren’t bad. Nathan wasn’t bad himself. Eddie had immediately noticed how Nathan was probably the one who had more experience: he kissed like he was born to do so and Eddie couldn’t have complained. His technique was perfect. He had tilted his head to the right angle, used the perfect amount of tongue and kept his hands firm on his waist the whole time.

Kissing Richie was nowhere near any kiss he had before. Richie’s technique wasn’t as perfect as Nathan’s, his lips weren’t as smooth as Kyle’s and his tongue wasn’t as sweet as Oliver’s.

Richie kissed like his life depended on it. Richie kissed like he was drowning and Eddie was the last source of oxygen he could find. Richie kissed in a way that made Eddie’s heart swell and his brain short circuit. Richie kissed with his tongue and teeth, making Eddie hard in his jeans and his heart clench in his chest.

Richie blew any guy or girl Eddie had kissed before out of the water.

 Eddie grabbed the collar of Richie’s sweater and spun them around, so that Richie’s back was pressed against the wall instead  of his.

“Eddie-“ Richie breathed against his lips, holding his cheek with one hand and keeping the other flat against the small of his back. “What…?”

“Don’t talk.” Eddie put his index finger against Richie’s swollen lips.

Eddie’s heart was beating out of his chest as his hips moved down on the taller boy’s neck, tracing the sharp line of his jaw with the tip of his tongue.

He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know if Richie would have liked. He did what he saw people in movies do. People in movies kissed each other’s necks and it they acted as they could orgasm from that alone. People in movies made it seem so easy, so natural. Virgins turned in sex gods and goddesses in movies, no matter if it was their first time. People in movies always came at the same time. People in movies looked always perfect, while Eddie had never felt messier. He felt his hair sticking in every direction, his lips swollen and slick with spit, his cheeks awkwardly heated up and he sure as hell didn’t feel elegant or sexy or confident as he awkwardly fumbled with Richie’s belt.

“What are you doing?” Richie asked, eyes wide and fixed on Eddie’s hands.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Don’t you want me to?”

“To _what_?” Richie asked, looking back into Eddie’s eyes.

Eddie had no motherfucking clue.

If he was in a porn, he would have probably said something unnecessarily vulgar. If he was in a movie, he would have said something cheesy and teasing. If he was in a sitcom, there would have probably been a jump cut, so he wouldn’t even have to bother thinking about what to do.

Real life was different, though. Eddie wasn’t in a porn nor in a movie and not even in a sitcom. He was living and breathing and _wanting_ and he didn’t know what to do.    
Did Richie know what to do? Had Richie done it before? Was he going to laugh in his face and shake his head?

“Slow down, Eds.” Richie said, taking hold of Eddie’s wrists. “Just… take it easy, yeah?” He said, and Eddie took his hands off of Richie’s belt. He actually want to chop both of his hands off from the embarrassment. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean ‘what’s going on’?” Eddie said, looking up at him. “I thought you wanted this as well.”

“I never said I didn’t, but you rushed here and kissed me like your life depended on it after your mom had dragged you away. Something must have happened.” Richie pointed out, trying as subtly as possible to adjust his uncomfortable boner in his jeans.

“Apart from my mother being a complete psycho and me running away from her? Nothing happened.” Eddie said, dismissively. “Can we kiss again?” Eddie put his hands on Richie’s chest and stood on his tiptoes, trying to reach Richie’s lips.

“You ran away?” Richie asked with a frown, and Eddie shrugged.

“Sneaked out. She doesn’t know I’m gone. She hit me. She slapped me in the face and told me he threw the acceptance letter Harvard sent me away because she wasn’t going to let me go there anyway.” Eddie explained, tugging one of Richie’s inky curls. “I think I never hated anyone so passionately, not even fucking Henry Bowers.”

“So you came here because…?”

“Because I wanted to see you, dipshit.” Eddie snapped, rolling his eyes. “She said I couldn’t see you anymore. She doesn’t want me around you.”  He gripped onto Richie’s sweater, looking up at him with doe-like eyes.

“So you came here.”

“So I came here.” Eddie confirmed. “I’m sorry for what she said earlier, here. To you and your parents.” Eddie sighed, and then Richie’s hand was on his cheek, warm and soft.

“Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t your fault.” Richie leaned down and pressed their lips together once more, this time much more softly than before.

“Can I sleep over? Just fort tonight.” Eddie asked against his lips, and Richie nodded without giving it a second thought.

There was a knock on the door and the two teens were quick to pull away from each other before Wentworth Tozier popped his head inside of the room.

“Is Eddie staying for dinner?”

“Yes he is.” Richie replied, clearing his throat and nodding.

Wentworth eyed them both, then the smallest smirk curved his lips.

“Wash your hands then. Dinner’s ready.”

 

* * *

 

 

“This is really good, Maggie.” Eddie said politely, looking up at her from his plate filled with steak and roasted potatoes.

“I was extra careful because Richie had never had a friend over and I wanted to impress.” She winked, making Eddie giggle.

Richie and Eddie were sitting opposite Maggie and Wentworth, their knees touching under the table. Eddie didn’t know if his parents noticed about the way their eyes kept meeting and their hands constantly brushed as they passed each other salt, water, pepper or bread.

He had no idea of what had just happened meant for them. Now that they had both calmed down, he felt a constant blush on his cheeks and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He didn’t regret kissing Richie one bit and, considering the way Richie was looking at him, he didn’t either.

“So, Richie is technically grounded for what happened today at school.” Maggie said, cutting her steak. “But I guess this is a particular occasion, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem if you sleep over.” She said, looking up at the both of them with a smile. “But I think you should tell your mother.”

“She thinks I’m sulking in my room. She’s probably already asleep on her armchair and if she knew I was here she’d probably call the police. No offence.”

“None taken.” Wentworth reassured him, pouring himself a glass of red wine that smelled fruity and delicious. “We figured we weren’t Sonia’s dream neighbors.”

Eddie sighed and looked down at his plate. “I just need to stay away from there for at least one night.” He said, and Richie gestured with his hands.

“Can we stop talking about Mrs Sonia Kasp-barf?”

“Richard!” Maggie’s eyes widened, and Eddie slapped Richie’s arm.

“That’s my surname as well, you clod! You can’t abuse it!” Eddie protested, and Richie giggled.

“It was actually funny, admit it.”

“No it wasn’t, you’re so stupid.” Eddie pinched his forearm and Richie hissed in pain, with a laugh still on his lips.

Wentworth was looking at them with such an amused smile he might as well had a bowl of popcorn in his lap and been sitting in a cinema. Maggie, on the other hand, glared at Richie for his joke.

“Sometimes I wonder if that only glass of wine I had while I was pregnant made you like this.” She teased him, and Richie brought his hand to his chest in mock shock.

“How dare you, Margaret?” He said dramatically, in a Southern Bell accent. “I’m as innocent as a rose!” He added, making Wentworth shake his head with a smile and Maggie roll her eyes in amusement.

Eddie looked between them with a smile on his lips. He had never, not once in his life, sat through a family meal that was so relaxed and domestic. Richie’s parents treated him like an adult. They joked with him, they engaged him in their conversations and always asked his opinion as well.

Bill’s dad worked night shifts, so he was never home with dinner. His mother usually minded his little brother way more than she minded Bill and Eddie had always felt a bit out of place there. Stan’s parents were very strict, so they didn’t appreciate too much chattering during meals.

Richie’s parents looked like they had just came out of an Ikea catalogue.

Then, something happened that reminded Eddie of a quote from Tolstoj.

_All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way._

“I’m sure Effy would have liked you.” Wentworth said at Eddie with a sad smile.

Eddie frowned a little, puzzled, while the whole table fell silent and Richie froze by his side.

“Who is Effy?” He asked carefully, looking between them.

Richie’s eyes were fixed on his plate, wide. His lips were pressed together in a thin life, his fists clenched so tight his knuckles had turned white.

Maggie put a hand on Wentworth’s forearm. Her eyes had turned sad, her voice shaky and her eyes a little glassy.

“Effy is Richie’s sister.” She said carefully, and Eddie raised his eyebrows.

“I didn’t know you have a sister.” Eddie said, looking at Richie with his eyebrows raised.

“I don’t anymore.” Richie eventually said, lifting his gaze to meet Eddie’s. His heart broke when he saw how much desperation there was behind them and as a tear rolled down his cheek. “She’s dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay here's the new chapter! 
> 
> It gives me so many mixed emotions, but I'm pretty happy about how it turned out. 
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who's loving this fic. I'm overwhelmed, seriously. Every comment, every kudos, every bookmark, every hit makes my day. I would have never imagined it to get so much attention and so much love, you're all so so so kind and nice. 
> 
> So, yeah. Richie's sister. I'm sorry about this, but it was necessary for the plot. All the explanations you need will come with the following chapters, I promise :)


	8. Him & I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cross my heart, hope to die  
> To my lover I'd never lie  
> He said "be true"  
> I swear I'll try  
> In the end, it's him and I  
> He's out his head,  
> I'm out of my mind  
> We got that love, the crazy kind  
> I am his and he is mine  
> In the end, it's him and I.
> 
> (Halsey, Him & I)

“It was my fault.”

Richie was laying with his head resting against Eddie’s chest. Eddie kept running his hands through Richie’s curls, combing it with fingers. They were on Richie’s bed, in the darkness of Richie’s room. The only sound that came from the house was the quiet clattering of Maggie and Went minding the dishes down in the kitchen.

“Rich, come on, how was-“

“No, Eds. Really. It was my fault.” Richie repeated. Eddie could feel Richie’s long lashes brushing against his skin, tickling him lightly. He could have said something, but he kissed Richie’s hair instead. Their legs were tangled together and Eddie’s arm was around Richie’s shoulder as the taller boy seek comfort in the other teen’s embrace.

“What happened?” Eddie asked, carefully.

Richie went silent. Eddie didn’t say anything. The last thing he wanted was pressure Richie to talk about such a traumatic event.

To say that Eddie was currently feeling like an asshole, would have been an understatement. He had yelled at Richie, called him a liar, refused to talk to him, all because he was jealous of a mystery girl that ended up being Richie’s dead sister. He bit his lower lip, squeezing his eyes shut and cursing himself.

“It happened the year before we arrived here. I was 14 and she was 11.” Richie eventually said, making Eddie open his eyes and look down at the mop of inky curls laying on his chest. “I was supposed to keep an eye on her. Our parents were having a date night so they left me in charge.”

“And?”

“She wanted an ice cream but we had ran out at home, so we decided to go get one. I knew I was supposed to hold her hand the whole time, my mom had told me a million times, but mom was not there and I was a fucking 14 years old and I didn’t want people to see me holding hands with my little sister because I thought it was embarrassing.” His voice cracked a little and Eddie’s chest tightened. “I was paying for the cones, she saw a cat on the other side of the road.”

Eddie held Richie tighter, kissing his hair and feeling Richie’s tears damping his shirt.

“Rich-“

“I held her hand in the ambulance.” He said, choking back a sob. “But it was too late.”

Eddie held him for hours as Richie cried. He even cried with him. He kept kissing his face, his hair, his tears, repeating that it wasn’t his fault as if it was a mantra.

“One day I’ll tell you about her.” He said, tiredly. “Not today.”

“Not today.” Eddie agreed, rubbing his nose against Richie’s, softly. They were in no rush, they had all the time in the world. 

When Richie fell asleep, his cheeks were still wet and Eddie felt like every bit of energy had been drained from his body. He stood up slowly, careful not to wake Richie up and padded downstairs.

Maggie and Went were still sitting at the dining table, her head was resting against his shoulder and his arms were wrapped around her. Maggie had cried too, Eddie noticed, because her eyes were puffy and red. Eddie considered going back upstairs, but they saw him before he could turn on his heels.

“Eddie, dear.” She said, wiping her cheeks and smiling at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just came downstairs to drink a glass of water.” He said lowly, not sure if he was allowed or if he had interrupted a private and important conversation. “I didn’t mean to disturb.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Maggie stood up and hugged him tightly, warmly. “We’re so lucky to have you in Richie’s life.” She murmured softly, rubbing his back.

“I’m sorry about what happened to your daughter. I really am.” Maggie nodded and wiped her cheeks again.

“Thank you. We’re still trying to stay strong.” She said as her husband stood up and wrapped his arms around him.

Eddie thought that Richie was a lot like him. He too needed constant physical contact like his father seemed to do. Eddie looked at them and tried to smile, even though he didn’t feel like smiling at all.

“Richie blames himself.” He said, looking down at his feet.

“Yes.” Wentworth nodded. “Always did, since it happened. We thought we had lost him as well, you know? He was inconsolable, no matter how many times we told him that he wasn’t responsible. He never forgave himself.” Maggie sniffed by his husband’s side and hid her face in his chest. “We never thought it was Richie’s fault. Not even for a second.” Wentworth added, almost as if he was afraid of Eddie’s judgment. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed Eddie a small photograph.

She was just a little girl, but Eddie could already see the Tozier in her. She had her father’s hair, but she smiled wide just like Richie did. She had the same freckles and the same eyes.

“Is that why you left California and came here?” Eddie asked, looking up from the photograph.

“Yes. We needed to get away, you know? Start again. Richie was still so young and fragile and that tragedy was killing him as well. We couldn’t lose him too, we needed to save him. Maggie decided that it would have been better for us to find a new place to start again.  Cherish her memory forever and try to find our peace again.” He explained, taking the photo back.

Eddie thought about his mother after his father died. He was still little, but remembered a few things. His mom never moved out, never changed anything in the house. She kept things exactly as they were before Frank died. She even kept his ashtray on the coffee table in the living room, right where Eddie’s father always left him. She never tried to find her peace, nor to cherish his memory. She simply kept on living in the same house, with his clothes still hanging in the wardrobe, ignoring the fact the he wasn’t there anymore. Eddie always knew his mother had never accepted his father’s death, but he was starting to think if she had even acknowledged it at all in the first place.

“Richie has been doing a lot better. He has started smiling again.”

“You love him very much, don’t you?” Eddie said, a warm, affectionate smile spreading across his lips.

“He is the greatest joy in our lives.” Maggie said with the most loving smile. “He… well, you know him. He is so foul-mouthed and stubborn and… eccentric. But he has the biggest heart, really. And he’s still so fragile.” She sighed, leaning against her husband’s chest. “He must really care about you if he opened up to you, Eddie.”

Eddie felt himself blush and smiled at his feet. “Yeah. I care about him, too. He’s so special.”

“He really is.” Maggie agreed, reaching up with a hand and stroking Eddie’s cheek. “Keep an eye on him?”

Eddie nodded with a warm smile. “We keep an eye on each other.”

 

* * *

 

 

“What happened?” Eddie asked with a worried frown on his face.

Mike’s arm was around Stan’s shoulders. The blonde was staring at the floor and seemed to be tuned out. Eddie put his lunch tray down on the table and sat next to them.

“Bill and Audra got together. You know, as a couple.” Mike explained, without talking too loud. Eddie sighed and looked at Stan’s pale face. His eyes were a little puffy, but his cheeks were dry and his brows furrowed in concentration.

“Shit.” Eddie rubbed his face. “I mean, good for him, he’s been talking non stop about her for ages but…” He reached across the table and put a hand on Stan’s. “I’m sorry, Stan.”

Stan rolled his eyes and yanked his hand away. “Whatever, Eddie. You’ve been too busy after your own damn business to give a shit about what was happening.” He hissed, standing up. “Thankfully I’ve learned who my real friends are.” He gestured towards Mike, who eyed Eddie and gave him an empathic smile, one only someone who didn’t want to be involved would have given.

Eddie knew Mike was great. He had always known Mike was great. Yeah, maybe they didn’t spent a lot of time together because he was in the football team and usually hung out with his football friends, but he had always been nice and kind. Eddie believed that they could become great friends if they put enough effort in it.

“Now you’re just unfair.” Eddie said, looking up at Stan. “Look, I’m sorry it didn’t work out, okay? But it’s not like you’ve ever told him how you feel.” Eddie protested, before realizing they were still in the cafeteria. He sighed and lowered his voice, looking up at Stan. “You guys are by best friends, you know that. It’s been a weird month, okay?”

“How would we know? You don’t talk to us anymore.” He stormed out, leaving both Eddie and Mike staring at his retrieving back.

“Fuck.” Eddie mumbled, pushing his lunch away.

“Hey, he’s just upset. He’s not really mad at you.” Mike reassured him, but Eddie scoffed at that.

“Yeah he is. Very much so. Stan never says things he doesn’t mean.” He said, rubbing his temples. “I don’t know, I mean, I’m happy for Bill. He really likes Audra and he deserves to get what he wants, but I also feel sorry for Stan.”

“It’s perfectly normal, Eddie. They’re both your best friends.” Mike pointed out, biting his tuna sandwich. “He will get over it. Maybe not soon, probably it won’t be easy, but he will.”

Eddie hummed, resting his head against his open palm. “I hope so.”

“Hey there.” Benjamin Hanscom sat down next to his team mate. He was still wearing his football jacket and a bright smile. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Only the daily self loathing hour.” Eddie said sarcastically, glancing at Ben.

Eddie liked Ben. He remembered being in his geography class when they were in ninth grade. Ben was smart and he liked studying probably more than anyone Eddie had ever met before. He also used to be a overweight kid, which was the reason why he was bullied.

Eddie got faggot, Ben got fat ass, Mike got nigger.

That, before Ben and Mike joined the football team. Ben’s flaccid muscles toned up, turning him in a build up teen with strong shoulders and a broad chest; Mike’s new position as captain made him gain popularity and suddenly they weren’t outcasts anymore.

Eddie still got faggot, they got high fives in the hallways.

“That sucks.” Ben said, stabbing his apricot juice with the straw. “Did something happen?”

Eddie wasn’t a fan of small talks. Ben and Mike were great, but they weren’t close. He couldn’t just start spilling about everything that had happened to him lately, no matter how much he needed to let it all out. He needed to talk to his best friends about it.

“The usual.” Eddie shrugged, with a deadpan expression.

“There you are!” Beverly flopped down on the seat next to Ben’s, kissing his cheek and leaving a red stain on the corner of his mouth.

Eddie frowned and looked at the people sitting in front of him. “Is this becoming some kind of symposium?” He asked, and Beverly winked at him.  

“Rumor has it you’ve became really good friends with Richie’s. Richie’s friends are my friends.” She said, stealing Eddie’s apple and giving it a big bite.

“Beverly’s friends are my friends.” Ben added with an amused giggle.

“And Ben’s friends are my friends.” Mike concluded, gesturing between them all. “See? Friends.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but there was a smile tugging the corner of his lips. “Whatever you say, freaks.”

“So what’s going on between you and him?” Beverly asked, wiggling her eyebrows. “Don’t play innocent, I know the two of you have been thick as thieves.”

Eddie couldn’t help but blush at that, throwing a grape at her. “Shut up, Marsh.”

“Woah, what are you talking about?” Mike frowning, looking between Eddie and Beverly.

“She doesn’t mean anything. We’re just friends.” 

To be fair, Eddie didn’t know what they were.

It has been three weeks since their kiss. Three weeks since Eddie had watched Richie crying himself to sleep. Three weeks since Eddie had found out about what happened to Richie’s family. Three weeks since he had found out what his mother was capable of.

He had spent the night at Richie’s like he had planned, but he couldn’t stay there forever. The following day he hand sneaked back into his room and joined his mother downstairs.

If she was going to be a psycho, Eddie could do even better. He was going to be an actor.

He had kissed his mother cheeks and helped her cooking lunch. He had offered to take out the trash and buried his hand in the bin to the elbows to find the pieces of his acceptance letter.

No matter how hard he had gagged, how stinky that bin was, he was going to get his letter back.

It had taken him half an hour to find all the pieces. He had ran back inside and showered three times until the first layer of his skin was red from how hard he had scrubbed himself. Then, in his room, he had taped the letter back together, reading it with a huge, victorious smile printed on his lips. That’s why his mother threw it away: they informed him that, considering his excellent grades, he had won a full ride scholarship.

His mother couldn’t keep him home with the “I’m not going to pay for it” excuse.

He had immediately typed an email, saying that he had received his letter and that he gratefully accepted the scholar ship and, closing the screen on his laptop, he had grinned at his reflection in the mirror.

Three weeks had passed, and Eddie found out that Richie took antidepressants.

“Who are just friends?” Richie asked, sitting down next to Eddie with his lunch tray.

“We are.” Eddie said, turning his head to look at him. He was wearing his glasses, which was weird since he always said how he preferred contacts. Eddie loved those huge, stupid glasses. “Tell Beverly we are just friends.” Eddie prompted him, gesturing towards the red head.

“Such good friends.” Richie chirped, winding one of his lanky arms around Eddie’s shoulders. “Best pals. Old mates.”

Beverly squinted her eyes, not convinced. “You are hiding stuff from me, Tozier.”

“You sound like my mother, Marsh.” Richie replied quickly, grinning and winking at her. “Leave poor Eddie alone. Didn’t you know that he’s going to Harvard? He’s a celebrity now. You can’t be rude to celebrities.”

“Richie!” Eddie protested, punching his shoulder. “I told you not to tell anyone!”

“Sorry! But I’m so,  _so_ proud of you.” He pinched his cheek and Eddie yanked his hand away.

“You’re going to Harvard? Eddie, it’s amazing! Congratulations!” Mike said cheerfully, with a huge smile on his lips.

“Thank you, but it’s a secret. I didn’t tell anyone.”

“You told Richie.” Beverly pointed out, raising her eyebrows and giving him a smug smile.

“Yeah, because I’m special.” Richie grinned, and Eddie punched him again.

“ _No_ , because you’re a nosy asshole and you would have found out anyway.”

“You bicker so lovely together.” Ben said, putting the straw between his lips and taking a sip of his juice, looking between the two of them.

Mike chuckled, Eddie blushed, Richie grinned.

Beverly beamed.

 

* * *

 

 

“You can’t keep skipping your periods, Rich.” Eddie breathed with his head thrown back and his lips stinging from all the kisses. Richie’s hands were all over him: between his hair, under his sweater, on his ass, on his hips, on his cheeks.

“Are you complaining?” Richie asked smugly, kissing down Eddie’s throat.

They were currently in one of the bathroom’s stalls, much to Eddie’s horror, but it wasn’t like they had many choices. Since Eddie had started playing the perfect son again, he had also stopped spending so much time outside in order to please his mother. Consequentially, he had stopped hanging around at Richie’s house. Richie wanted to keep sneaking into his room at night, but Eddie didn’t want to risk it.

Eddie gasped when Richie’s hands found the front of his jeans and palmed his growing erection, while Richie smiled smugly against the skin of his neck.

They hadn’t done much in those weeks. Mainly long make out sessions than left them both with a hard on and heavy breathing. Not that they could do much more behind the closed door of a bathroom stall.

“Rich-“ Eddie panted, looking up and meeting Richie’s lust filled eyes.

“Can I?” He asked quickly, looking back at him.

Eddie admired Richie's swollen lips, they way they were glistening with spit. He looked at the crooked glasses on his nose, the blush on his cheeks and the mess of his hair and thought that he had never seen anyone more beautiful than Richie in his entire life.

His entire body screamed for Richie.

The only thought in his mind was Richie.

_Richie, Richie, Richie, Richie, Richie, Richie, Richie, Richie._

Eddie had never experienced such urges before. Not for another human being, anyway.

He had never thought about anyone while he touched himself before. He just jerked off, usually watching a porn with his headphones on or imagining some faceless boy.

Now, he imagined Richie between his legs. He imagined him behind him, or he imagined himself on top of him. All he knew was that, for the first time in his entire life, he had started coming with a name on his lips.

Being with Richie didn’t help at all. He could get a boner simply by looking at the other boy gulping down a sip of water, which was honestly embarrassing.

He was 18, he knew it was normal for a boy his age to feel that insatiable, but actually being in that position was a whole different kettle of fish.

All he wanted to do was put his hands on Richie, all the time, feel his hands on him and his lips against his. He also figured that the same was for Richie, who, if he was a tactile person before, now couldn’t just keep his hands off of Eddie.

He should have felt disgusted. His back was pressed against the cold bathroom tiles and the smell wasn’t the loveliest. He could have started counting the diseases they could catch in there, but, in that very moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He nodded eagerly and Richie unzipped his pants, tugging them down his smooth thighs and spinning him around, so that Eddie was facing the wall.

That, if possible, was making him even harder.

He could feel Richie’s clothed erection grinding against his ass as his long fingers closed around his cock. It was the first time someone touched him like that, and Eddie felt like he was having an heart attack.

He had to bit his forearm to keep himself from moaning loudly, while his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that, right?” Richie breathed against his ear as he kept grinding against his ass.

The idea that anyone could walk in the bathroom while they were like that, instead of scare him, was turning him on.

“You’re too, Rich. You’re the most beautiful person I know.” Eddie replied before digging his teeth in his arm.

“You like it?” Richie asked, and Eddie nodded. Richie’s grip was different from the one he usually used on himself. His hand moved slower, but Eddie felt like he could come any second now anyway.

Being touched was so different from touch.

Richie’s hips were moving faster, and his hand was too. Eddie bit his lower lip and pressed back against Richie’s crotch, panting and dragging his nails down the tiles. “Oh god.” He mouthed, pressing a hand on his mouth to keep quiet.

He wondered if he was supposed to keep quiet. People in porn videos always talked so much.  They moaned loudly and said the worst kind of vulgarities as they got each other off. Eddie felt stupid as he thought about what he could have said. He felt a little awkward as he imagined himself moaning high and desperate like a porn star, especially since he was at school. Especially because he was just being jerked off.

“You good, Eds?” Richie asked, frowning a little.

Eddie chuckled, a bit breathily, and nodded his head.

“I was thinking about what to say.”

“What?”

“You know, like in porn videos. People always talk a lot in those videos.” He bit his lower lip as a small whimper left his lips. “They say things that their partner enjoy hearing.”

“I don’t want you to say porn stuff, Eds.” Richie replied, kissing down his neck. “You’re already pretty fucking sexy.” Richie reassured him.

Eddie pressed back against Richie’s erection again, turning his head and meeting his lips in a messy kiss. The position was a little awkward, but he was so close to his orgasm he didn’t mind at all. He opened his mouth and let Richie’s tongue slip inside it, kissing him deeply and passionately.

“Rich-“

“You’re beautiful.”

“Richie-“

“I can’t believe how perfect you are.”

Eddie pressed his hands against his mouth and closed his eyes as he came against the tiled wall. He felt boneless and a little out of breath between Richie’s arms.

He had never felt better.

Richie took the roll of toilet paper and wiped the few drops of sperm on his hand away before passing it to Eddie.

“Do you want me to-?” Richie grinned and shook his head, helping Eddie zipping his jeans up and cleaning the wall. They threw everything in the toilet and flushed. Eddie was blushing, hard. “Why not?”

“I just wanted to make you feel good. I don’t want anything in return.” He leaned down and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss that made butterflies flutter in Eddie’s stomach. “

“Maybe I want to make you feel good as well.” Eddie teased, looking at him through his lashes with sated, happy eyes. “Don’t you want me to?”

Richie blushed and shook his head again. Eddie looked down and saw a wet patch on the front of Richie’s jeans.

“Oh.” He said, raising his eyebrows and looking back up at him.

“Fuck…” Richie refused to meet his gaze, rubbing the back of his head. “Look, I’m sorry, but you were so hot and-“

“Hey, it’s okay.” Eddie giggled, lightly. “I’m flattered, actually.” He said with a smug smile. He took his sweater off and knotted it around Richie’s hips. “There you go.”

Richie smiled and chuckled, still a little embarrassed.  “I’m such a virgin.”

Eddie stood on his tiptoes and pecked Richie’s lips. “I think you're adorable.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Guys!” Bill ran towards him, holding Audra’s hand and grinning widely. Eddie looked as his best friend approached, smiling back at him and then at Audra. They had just heard the last bell of the day ring and were already out of school. Eddie was walking out with Mike and Stan, even though the latter was still not talking to him.

“Hey.” He greeted.

Stan rolled his eyes and turned his back, starting a conversation with Mike and pretending they were really busy talking as they drifted away.

Audra was beaming just as much as Bill was. He had a pink lipstick on, and there were some on Bill’s cheek as well.

“So, I w-w-wanted to tell you t-t-that-“

“You are together. I knew. And I would have guessed, anyway.” He chuckled.

Eddie wished he had the guts to talk to his friends about Richie, tell them how much he liked him and the things that were going on between them. He didn’t know why he didn’t. Maybe he wasn’t ready, maybe he feared that telling someone would have scared Richie away.

Bill grinned and held Audra to his side. “Yeah, f-f-finally.” Bill nodded, kissing Audra’s cheek. The girl blushed and smiled even wider.

Eddie couldn’t deny they looked adorable together.

“Eddie, isn’t t-that the g-g-guy from the Dancing C-c-clown?” Bill asked and Eddie turned with a frown.

Leaning against an old, silver car stood Nathan, and he was most certainly looking at him.

Eddie frowned, clueless. What was Nathan doing there?

“Uhm, yeah, he actually is.” He said, blinking rapidly.

“Well? Go ask him w-what he w-w-wants?” Eddie cleared his throat and nodded his head, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder.

“Hey.” Nathan smiled brightly. “I was passing by and I told myself ‘why don’t you wait for a certain boy and ask him to grab an ice cream with you?’” Nathan was pretty in the daylight as well, Eddie noticed.

“It’s been-”

“Almost a month, I know, but you know, I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” Nathan said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not asking you on a date, unless you want it to be, of course. We can just hang out for a couple of hours and get to know each other better. I’d love to, to be honest.”

Eddie could see how sincere Nathan was in his clear blue eyes.

He could do that, couldn’t he? Nathan was a genuinely nice guy and if he wanted to be friends he had absolutely nothing against it. Yeah, so what if they had made out one time? Eddie was drunk anyway. Did it even count? 

He turned his head to look over his shoulder and spotted Richie in the crowd of people outside school. He had his arm around Beverly’s shoulders and they were laughing at something Ben had said. When Richie met his eyes his smile went even wider.

Then, he saw Nathan and his face fell.

Eddie signed Nathan to hold on a second and ran back to them. “Hey.” He said, chewing on his lower lip.

“What’s he doing here? Has he lost his way to college?” Richie asked, stiffly.

“He asked me to go and have an ice cream with him.” Eddie explained, carefully. 

“Yeah? How thoughtful.” Richie rolled his eyes, dripping sarcasm. “Are you going with him?”

Eddie hesitated.

“Fine.” Richie picked his backpack from the ground. “Have lots of fun.” He hissed.

Eddie tried to catch his wrist and stop him, but Richie’s alarmingly long legs had already taken him out of reach.

Beverly and Ben were staring at him, and Eddie sighed. “Look, it’s not what you think, okay? It’s not a date.” He said, glancing back at Nathan, who was still patiently waiting.

“Hey, you don’t have to excuse yourself.” Ben said with a smile, giving him a thumb up.

“Yeah. And you and Richie are just friends anyway, so.” Beverly added with a shit eating smile on her lips. Eddie glared at her.

“Yeah. Well, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Eddie said, walking back to Nathan.

Why was he feeling guilty?

“So?” The older boy asked. “Good to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this chapter is so fucking long lmao 
> 
> Okay so, a few updates and answers to your questions: 
> 
> Updates n1: As you may have noticed, I turned this fic into part 1 of a series. That’s because, *dramatic pause*, there will be a part 2 as soon as this one is over that will take place when they are grown ups.  
> I’m pretty excited about this, to be honest, and I have such a shit load of ideas I just can’t wait!
> 
> Update n2: I’ve removed Stan/Bill from the tags. Please bear with me. Writers can change their minds as the story gets on and plans may change as well. They will all have their happy ending, don’t worry about that. Plus, this is a Reddie fic, so I’m putting my main focus on them. 
> 
> Someone asked me why the Losers aren’t together as a group, so here’s why: in the canon verse, the incident with Pennywise brings them together. They aren’t that much of a group before that. Consequently, I’ve decided to take things slowly. They go to the same school, but they have different interests and took different paths. Of course, I love the Losers club as much as you all do as a whole so don’t fret, they’ll eventually become the best friends ever. 
> 
> Again, THANK YOU so much. This fic is getting so much love I'm overwhelmed. You are all so kind and sweet I just can't, seriously. 
> 
> See you all soon!


	9. Coming down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found God  
> I found him in a lover  
> When his hair falls in his face  
> An his hands so cold they shake  
> I found the Devil  
> I found him in a lover  
> And his lips like tangerines  
> And his color coded speak.
> 
> (Halsey, Coming down)

“Are you ready to order?” The waitress was waiting with a notepad in her hand and a pen in the other, chewing a gum and popping it like a stereotypical diner waitress. Eddie was sure that if he had leaned a bit closer, he could have smelled cigarettes on her. 

“Can I have a banana split and a strawberry milkshake?” Nathan asked, looking up at her. She hummed and popped her gum again, writing his order down. 

“What about you, sweet cheeks?” She asked, glancing at Eddie.

“Blueberry pancakes. And a soda.” He decided, putting the menu down. She hummed again and walked back to the kitchen, leaving the two boys alone.

“So, you were saying…?” Nathan prompted him again and Eddie tried to resume their conversation.

“Right, uhm, so my mom had grounded me and he started climbing through my window every night, which is crazy since we weren’t even that much of good friends. He just started to. And it was nice, you know? No matter how annoying he may be at times because, believe me, he’s got an annoying mouth, but… Yeah.” Eddie sighed, looking down at the polished table.

Nathan laughed, running his fingers through his blonde fringe. “He doesn’t sound that annoying.”

Eddie blushed and looked up at him again. “The point is that I don’t know why we started being friends. It sort of happened.”

Nathan hummed and thanked the waitress when she came back with their orders. “But you told me you’re not sure you’re just friends when we were in the car, right? And considering the way he looked at me, I can assure that sure as hell you’re not just a friend to him.” He dipped his spoon in the ice cream, smirking “Doesn’t take a detective to notice.”

“But-“

“Eddie, come on. You can’t be serious right now. You can’t stop talking about him, he climbed through your window for weeks and he looked as jealous as a boyfriend when he saw me today. ‘Just friends’ my ass.” He chuckled, putting the spoon in his mouth.

Eddie took a sip of his soda, thinking about Nathan’s words. “That’s not it.” He eventually said with a warm blush on his cheeks.

“No shit.”

“Okay, shut the fuck up.” Eddie rolled his eyes, throwing one of the blueberries on his plate at Nathan. “Remember the night we met, right?” Nathan nodded with a smile. “He was there as well.”

“You mean at the bar?”

“Yeah. He was there with a friend of his, but I got jealous. I didn’t have the right to, because they’re just friends, but I didn’t know at the time and they are so close that anyone could mistake them for a couple.” He explained, vaguely gesturing with his hands.

“So you danced with me to try to make him jealous.” Nathan concluded, nodding his head. “This is so high school.” He was giggling, so maybe he wasn’t as angry as Eddie thought he would had got.

“So you’re not mad?” Eddie asked carefully, raising his eyebrows.

“Look, Eddie, you’re cute and funny, but it doesn’t take much to notice that you’re completely smitten with this guy. Plus, I told you that this didn’t have to be a date. Right now, we’re two friends confronting about their love lives.”

Eddie thought about Nathan’s words. Maybe he was right. Maybe talking to him, open up and let everything out would have been easier. Nathan didn’t go to their school, Nathan didn’t know his friends, Nathan was older. Talking to Nathan, in that moment, felt like talking to a counselor.

_You’re completely smitten with this guy._

Eddie bit his lower lip, staring at his pancakes.

“I think I screwed up.” Eddie said, sighing. He ran his hands through his hair and groaned. “Why do I keep screwing up?” Nathan laughed, his mouth full of ice cream and banana. “No, seriously. There has to be something wrong with me.”

“There is nothing wrong with you, don’t be an idiot.”

He wasn’t being an idiot, he was being very serious. The more he thought about it,  the most he wanted to slap himself in the face.

“I think I hurt him. Again.” Eddie mumbled and Nathan frowned. “He looked really upset earlier. I bet he thinks we’re on a date.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow and clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Well, you should talk to him, then.”

“No, you don’t understand. I came with you after we-“ He cut himself off with a deep blush on his cheeks. “In the bathroom.” Nathan laughed loudly, his eyes wide and his mouth open in mock shock. “It’s not funny!” Eddie protested, glaring at him.

“Sorry, sorry, okay.” He cleared his throat and took a sip of milkshake. “You know he wants you. And you know you want him, right? So what’s the big deal? You keep talking like you don’t stand a chance together.”

“School will be over in a few months. I’m going to Massachusetts and god only knows where he’ll go. My mother hates him, he can’t stand the sight of him and doesn’t want him anywhere near me and we can’t…” He shook his head, looking down again. “High school is not a pretty place to be gay at. Especially in a small, fucked up town like Derry.” Eddie’s voice was small, his eyes sad when he looked back at Nathan. “There are a thousand reasons why we can’t be together. We’re bound to break, anyway.”

“So you’d rather keep yourself from falling in love with someone that could make you happy just because you could end up breaking up? Breaking news, Eddie: you will break up. Sooner or later, it will happen. Nothing is forever, even if we’d like it to be, but it’s up to us to decide whether we want to take the risk or not.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat and he pushed his plate of pancakes away, since his stomach was completely knotted up at that point. “What are you so afraid of?”

_That I will need him more than he needs me._

“I’m not afraid.” Eddie replied, meeting Nathan’s eyes.

“Prove it.” Nathan challenged him, and Eddie’s pride stirred in his veins.

“How?”

“You said that he had spent weeks climbing your window for you, bringing you mixtapes and comic books, right?” Eddie nodded, his heart swelling at the memories. “Maybe it’s time for you to do something for him as well.”

Maybe Nathan was pretty fucking right.

 

* * *

 

 

“Where have you been, Eddie Bear?” Sonia asked, her arms folded on her chest and her brows furrowed.

He didn’t even have the time to took his shoes off that his mother was already in front of him with a suspicious look on her face.

“Oh, you’ll be happy to hear this.” Eddie smiled widely, kissing her cheek. “I’ve met a new friend. His name is Nathan and he studies at the University of Maine. He’s giving me a few tips so I’ll be prepared when it’s my turn, so we decided to head to the library together after school. He wanted to show me the best books to study on.” Eddie replied easily, and his mother seemed impressed.

“Really? This is really good, sweetie.” She cooed, petting his hair. Eddie felt the urge to throw up. “Where did you met him?”

“School. He was picking up his brother.” He quickly made up, never failing to smile.

“I’m really glad to hear this. And I’m glad you’ve finally given up that silly Harvard matter.”

_Bitch, you wish._

“Yeah. Why should I go that far when there’s an University that’s just as good right here?”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you the whole time! See? Mommy always knows best.” She pinched his cheek and Eddie forced himself to giggle.

“I’ve some homework  to do, mom. It might take me a while, so please don’t call me for dinner, I’m not hungry anyway.” He said, leaving the shoes next to the door.

“As you wish, sweetie.”

Eddie smiled again and ran upstairs, locking himself in his room. He opened his window and let Nathan slip inside with a wide, excited smile.

“Are you sure she’s not going to notice?” He asked, a little nervously.

“Don’t worry, she’s will turn the television on in a couple of minutes and fall asleep. Nothing can wake her up, believe me.” He chuckled, pulling the curtains closed.

“You know, when I pictured myself in your room, this isn’t the context I imagined.” Nathan laughed softly, sitting on the edge of Eddie’s bear and looked up at him with a wide, bright smile. “But I’m glad I get to help you.”

“I still don’t know what to do.”

“Well, thankfully for you, I am a romance mastermind.” He said, proudly tilting his chin up. “I’ve had my fair share of relationships before and, in all modesty, I can say that I blew each one of their minds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and sat down at his desk. “Now you sound just like Richie.” He teased, with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

The mere thought of the other teen made him bite his lower lip and sigh.

“Oh my god, you really do like him.” Nathan pointed out with a smile, staring at him. “Like, _a lot_.”

Eddie guessed there was no more point in denying that.

He liked Richie. He really, _really_ liked Richie. He knew that, Nathan knew that, Richie knew that. He didn’t want to be a coward anymore. He didn’t want to hurt Richie or make him think that what there was between them didn’t matter to him, because it did. Eddie believed that nothing had ever mattered to him more than that before.  
He had never felt so close, so connected with another person in his entire life. Each time Richie was hurt, Eddie could feel it in his soul. He didn’t want Richie to be hurt. He didn’t want to hurt Richie. He wanted to protect him. He wanted to protect him from the phantoms of his past and from the guilt and the darkness and he would have given anything to delete every single time he had been mean to him.

He couldn’t believe how stupid he had been.

“Yeah… I really do like him.” He admitted out loud. It was the first time and it felt good. It felt light and exciting and he wanted nothing more than run between Richie’s arms. But Nathan was right: he needed to do something special, just as Richie had been doing for him.

“Okay, so, tell me about him.” Nathan said, crossing his legs. “What does he like?”

_Me, for some reason._

“He likes music. He says he doesn’t like one genre only, he likes good music. He’s into musical theaters. He made me listen through the whole Les Miserables soundtrack one time.” He smiled at the memory. It had been one of the first times Richie had climbed the tree in front of his window. He had patiently waited as Eddie listened through the songs with his headphones on.  “He likes bright colors even though he mostly dresses in black. He has at least twenty Hawaiian shirts and he told me he wears them on his good days.” He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and looked up at Nathan. “He likes sweet  things, like candies and chocolates but he rarely eats them because his dad his a dentist. He keeps a bag of Sour Patch in his nightstand.” He giggled and bit his lower lip, feeling his heart beating faster and faster as he talked about Richie.

“What else?” Nathan prompted him.

“He’s afraid of clowns because he says you can’t trust someone who paints a smile on their face.”

“Very wise.”

“He’s so smart, Nat. Like, you have no idea. He’s the smartest person I know.” Eddie stood up and started gesturing with his hands. “And he doesn’t even know! He gets straight A’s and he still thinks so low of himself.” He sat back down and giggled softly. “He likes to skate, but he’s pretty shit at it because he’s such a klutz.”

“Look at you, all flushed cheeks and dreamy eyes.” Nathan teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Shut the fuck up.” Eddie rolled his eyes, trying not to smile.

“You should go to him. Play his favorite song for him, or maybe your favorite song among those he made you hear. Talk to him, Eddie. You need to tell him how special he is to you.”

“What if he’s too pissed off at me?”

“What if an asteroids collides with the Earth right now and we all die?”

Eddie rolled his eyes with an amused smile on his lips. “You’re so fucking annoying.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was probably the most stupid thing Eddie had ever done in his life.

He was going to die, he was sure about that. He was going to die and Richie was going to find his corpse laying on the backyard of his house. He was currently hanging out of Richie’s windowsill: his feet had slipped and now he was going to die.

“Richie!” He called, trying to push himself up. “Richie, for the love of heaven, open the window!”

The window opened after a couple of seconds and Richie appeared. He was frowning, but his eyebrows shot up when he saw Eddie.

“What the fuck, Edward?” He chuckled. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing, genius?” Eddie snapped, feeling his arms a little numb. “Help me out?”

Richie giggled and shook his head, grabbing Eddie’s wrists and pulling him inside. They both lost their balance and fell to the floor, Eddie laying on top of Richie.

“Are front doors to old fashioned now?” Richie asked, looking up at him.

“I wanted to climb through your window like you did for me. I had a nice plan in mind but I’ve ruined it because I’ve skipped too many PE classes.” Eddie sighed, pulling back from him and sitting on the hells of his feet.

“I thought you were on a date with your boyfriend.” Richie said, sitting up as well.

“Nathan’s not my boyfriend, stop being jealous. And it wasn’t a date.” Richie snorted and Eddie punched his shoulder. “It wasn’t!”

“It sounded like one. Ice cream together. Very romantic. Have  you licked his cone?”

“Richard!” Eddie’s eyes widened, while Richie laughed.

“What? It was a good one.”

“You’re disgusting.” Eddie hissed, but he was smiling.

“And you’re wearing my jacket.” Richie pointed out.

Eddie’s smile widened and he looked down at the sleeves that were covering his hands. “Well, yeah. I had to give my sweater because some guy I was with came in his pants.” He teased, chewing on his lower lip.

“Sounds like a complete loser.” Richie sat up on his knees and Eddie did the same, so that they were closer to each other and Richie could wrap an arm around his waist.

“He’s not that bad.” Eddie murmured, putting his arms around Richie’s neck and looking up at him with doe-like eyes. Richie’s face, on the other hand, went much more serious and the arm around Eddie dropped. “What’s wrong?”

“This, Eds. This is wrong.” He gestured between the two of them and Eddie’s face fell. “No, not like that…” He sighed, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. “You’re pretty fucking hard to deal with, you knew that?”

“You’re no picnic yourself, Tozier.” Eddie snapped back, looking up at him with a frown.

“I never said I wasn’t. But I’m already pretty fucked up, Eddie, and you’re fucking me up even more.” Richie’s gaze dropped to the ground and his eyebrows furrowed together, almost as if he was concentrating. “You can’t let me give you a handjob and then go on a date with some other guy, Eds. That’s just not fair. You came here making a scene because you thought that Beverly was my girlfriend, do you remember that? You called me a liar, you said you thought there was something between us, and just when things are starting to work out you go out with the same guy you made out with right in front of me.”

Eddie felt his cheeks heat up in shame. “Rich-“

“No, let me finish.” Richie said, raising a hand. “I know I’m a lot of work, trust me. I’m loud and annoying and such a fucking mess. I wouldn’t want to deal with myself either, but her I fucking am.”

Eddie shook his head and cupped Richie’s cheeks, looking up at Richie with wide eyes. “Stop, stop, please, listen to me-”

“Why did you go with him, Eddie?” Richie cut him off, staring at him. “I’m sick of this game, okay? We’re not 14 anymore. You don’t have to make me jealous to have my attention, okay? You already fucking have it! All of it! Undivided!”

Eddie’s heartbeat sped up as he nodded, trying to get everything out. “I know, I was just-“

“You were just _what_?”

“Nathan isn’t… We’re not-“ He sighed, trying to organize his thoughts. “It wasn’t a date, Rich. I swear it to you. I spent the whole time talking about you. It wasn’t a date for even a second.”

“That sounds pretty fucking weird.” Richie said, confused. “Why would you talk about me to a guy that wants to bone you?”

“Because you’re all I can think about!” Eddie exclaimed, gripping the collar of Richie’s shirt. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Rich, I swear…” He put his hand in his pocket and took one of the USB pens Richie had brought him out. “I made you a playlist. I don’t think it’ll be as good as yours, but there are all my favorite songs in it, and somehow they’re all about you now.”

Richie blinked and took it in his hand, his lips finally stretching in a small smile. “You’re so fucking cheesy.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve learned from the best.” Eddie smiled back, leaning a bit closer. “Can I kiss you?”

Instead of answering, Richie leaned his head down and brought their lips together. Their eyes shifted closer and Eddie’s hands moved around Richie’s neck as their lips moved together.

“Do you want me to listen to the playlist now?” Richie asked, pulling away from his lips.

Eddie shook his head, moving his lips to Richie’s neck and leaving a soft kiss on the soft skin under his ear. “When you’re alone.” He said, smiling against his skin. “I didn’t even know how to make a playlist, if you want to know. Nathan helped me making it, so you can stop being jealous of him because he roots for us.” Eddie chuckled.

“So there’s a _us_?” Richie asked with a smug smile, running his thumb over Eddie’s lower lip.

“Yeah.” Eddie breathed with a wide smile, looking into Richie’s eyes. “Very much so.”

He kissed him again and, this time, he didn't plan on breaking the kiss any time soon. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAN YOU ALL FORGIVE ME NOW? PLEASE AND THANK YOU?


	10. Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said, "I really don't care if you cut your hair  
> And I really wouldn't mind if we don't go anywhere  
> Cause I've got you.  
> And you think my bruised knees are sort of pretty  
> And I think your tired eyes are kind of nice  
> And when I first met you, there was a garden  
> Growing from a black hole in my mind
> 
> (Halsey, Garden)

 “Wait. Y-y-you and _Richie_? Richie T-T-Tozier? Richard Tozier? _T-that_ Richie?” Bill asked in disbelief, gaping at Eddie with wide eyes.

“You can’t possibly be surprised, Bill.” Stan said, rolling his eyes. “It’s pretty obvious.”

“Since w-w-when!?” Bill asked, still far too shocked.

Eddie blushed and bit his lower lip. He didn’t really know how to answer that question: it had been two months since he had climbed Richie’s window for the first time and had finally came to terms with the fact that he was sick of pretending he didn’t like Richie as much as he actually did, but things had already started out way before that.

The thought made him smile. Two months. Two months of getting used to be part of a couple, to be another person’s significant other. Two months of secret relationship during which Eddie had been the happiest he had ever been in his entire life. Two months of getting comfortable around each other, of knowing which way the other liked his hand to be held best.  Two months of sneaking into each other’s rooms at night. It was mainly Richie, to be honest. He started climbing that tree again and Eddie would lock his bedroom door to make sure his mother wasn’t going to yank it open and surprise them together.

Two months of muffled moans against their pillows as they got to know each other’s body, which spots made the other tremble and gasp, how the other liked to be touched and to be kissed.  Eddie found out he had a thing for being praised. Actually, he had a thing for Richie’s voice as he praised him: he loved the breathy sound of it, how his lips brushed against the soft skin of his inner thighs when Richie laid with his head between Eddie’s legs.

After three weeks together Eddie found out that Richie liked having his hair pulled. Whenever Eddie buried his hands between those gorgeous curls and gave them a tug, Richie went completely crazy. His eyes would turn ten shades darker and his irises ten times larger.

Eddie loved to be manhandled, but that was a thing he was never going to admit, full of pride as he was.

He had started to think way more often than he did before about sex. He had started making his researches and getting more information as he could. He found out that if men had their prostate stimulated they experienced a pleasure so intense they could came from that alone. During one of his masturbation sessions, he had positioned himself with his legs spread, determined to touch that spot inside of him.

He ended up washing his hands four times and sitting uncomfortably for a full day after having pushed inside himself only the tip of his index finger, and that’s how he found out about the necessity of lube and the importance of cleaning himself first.

It wasn’t at all like in porn videos, and Eddie had started finding them even less appealing now that he knew that you couldn’t just go for it and push a cock all the way inside an ass without making the poor receiving one bleed out profusely and probably in need of stitches. Also, his obsession with personal hygiene had brought him to draft a list of the five best ways to clean himself before his first time with Richie.

He was really proud of it, so much that he had even showed it to Richie.

His boyfriend had giggled all the way through it, making (horrible) jokes and smug smiles, but Eddie hadn’t miss the blush on his cheeks. He had leaned closer and pressed a kiss to those lovely freckles.

“Two months, technically.” Eddie said, clearing his throat. “We decided to keep it for ourselves because, you know, we wanted to enjoy it by ourselves at first. Plus, I’m only telling you guys because you’re my friends, no one else apart you and the others have to know, okay?” Eddie said, speaking just above a whisper.

Stan and Bill looked between each other and then nodded, crossing their hearts like they did when they were in kindergarten. Eddie smiled wide and a relieved sigh left his lips.

Things were going great. Actually, things were going better than Eddie had ever imagined. After the first weeks of BillandAudra, Stan had calmed down a bit. He still wasn’t okay, but at least now he could stand next to them and even politely smile at Audra.

Since Richie and Eddie were always side by side, their groups of friends ended up mixing together: at first, Richie joined Eddie, Stan and Bill at the cafeteria, then Bev tagged along, bringing Ben and of course Mike with her. They ended up becoming great friends in less than a month. Eddie had never thought about having more friends, but now that there weren’t no more empty seats at their table he felt like it would have been like ripping a piece from his heart if they’d have ever emptied again.

“If my mom finds out she’s probably going to castrate me and feed my testicles to me.” Eddie said, opening his bottle of water.

Stan made a face and dropped his sandwich to the plate. “I’m trying to eat, man, what the fuck?”

Eddie jumped when Richie flopped down on the seat next to him, banging his fist on the table. “I’ve decided that, from now on, you all have to call me Riri instead of Richie.” He announced.

Beverly, Mike and Ben took their seats as well, shaking their heads.

“I’m never going to call you Riri.” Stan said, glancing at Richie before taking another bite from his sandwich.

“Why would we call you that?” Eddie asked, looking at his boyfriend with his eyebrows raised.

“He listened to the single Rihanna has released and now he’s obsessed.” Beverly explained, opening her lunch bag and rolling her eyes.

“Are you kidding me, Bevvy? She’s a queen, that song is amazing.” Richie said, throwing his arms to the air.

“No one’s going to call you Riri, Rich, get over it.” Mike said casually, looking up at him from his plate with an amused smile on his lips.

“Eddie?” Richie pleaded, looking at him with a childish pout on his lips. Eddie giggled and shook his head, which made Richie gasp in horror.

“Betrayal! Mutiny!” He cried dramatically.

Stan grabbed his fork and pointed it at Richie. “I will stab you.” He threatened, just a second before Audra stopped by their table, smiling at everyone.

“Hi everyone! Hi baby.” She leaned down to kiss Bill’s cheek and then offered a flyer each. “As you all know, Prom’s in two weeks!” She said, giddy on excitement. “You should all come by your tickets now.” She smiled wide and sat on Bill’s lap. “The theme is the 80’s. Isn’t it exciting?”

“Not really.” Stan deadpanned. “80’s music sucks.”

“How dare you!?” Richie exclaimed, horrified.

“It’s literally the worst thing that happened to humanity.”

“You’re Jewish and you’re saying that the 80’s music is the _worst_ thing that happened to humanity?” Audra blinked, looking between Stan and Richie with her eyebrows raised.

“Richie!” Eddie said, slapping his arm. “That’s not funny!”

“He literally said that!” Richie protested, gesturing towards Stan.

“ _’It’s going to take a lot to drag me away from you_ ’, my ass.” Stan mocked.

“Silencio, nonbeliever! _Africa_ is a milestone!” Richie said, pointing his index finger.

“Yeah, the milestone of shitty love ballads.” Stan shot back, making Richie clutch his chest.

“You’re killing me, Stanley.”

“Anyway!” Audra said, cutting in. “You’re all coming, right?”

Bev and Ben looked and smiled at each other, then nodded. It was obvious that they were going together, so obvious that everyone would have been surprised if they didn’t.

“We could totally go pick our dressed together, Bev.” Audra smiled, and Beverly nodded.

“Yeah, that’d be cool. I’m awful at shopping.” Bev replied, making Audra’s smile only grow wider.

“Great! I’ll text you later.” She kissed Bill’s cheek and stood up. “Buy your tickets, you all.” She reminded again, before she ran to join her friends.

“She’s pretty worked up, uh?” Mike said, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, s-she’s in the Prom c-c-committee. She’s sp-sp-spending a lot of time organizing e-everything.” Bill shrugged with a smile. “You guys have to come, okay?”

Eddie glanced at Richie, who was busy examining his mashed potatoes. He wondered how it would have felt if they went as a couple like any other couple at school. He imagined himself between Richie’s arms as they slow danced through the evening, making heart eyes at each other and spend the most romantic night ever.

Then, he remembered that he was dating Richie, anyway, so, even if they went as a couple, they were probably going to spend the night awkwardly dancing around each other while Richie waved his lanky limbs around.

“We’re totally going to spike the punch.” Richie grinned, then high fived Beverly.  

 

* * *

 

 

It was date night for Richie’s parents, which meant Richie was particularly sad. Every time his parents had a date night, it remembered him of what had happened to his sister. Eddie knew it because Richie had told him that, since the tragedy happened, his parents had been going way lass on dates to try to keep Richie to fall into a pit of sadness deeper than usual.

That night, though, Richie had other plans.

They were in his bedroom and Richie was pacing back and forth, while Eddie looked up at him from the comic book open in front of him. “Rich, you don’t have to do it if you’re not sure.” Eddie reminded him, standing up.

“No, I want to. I’m sure. I’m just nervous.”

“You don’t have to be. They love you so much, baby, this isn’t going to change it.” Eddie put his hands on Richie’s shoulders and stood on his tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to Richie’s lips.

“You’re going to stay next to me, right?” Richie asked, wrapping his arms around Eddie and kissing him again.

“For as long as you’ll let me.”

They walked downstairs and found Margaret in front of the mirror, putting her earrings on while Wentworth, behind her, knotted his tie.

“Oh, there you are.” She said, glancing at them through the reflection. “Eddie, are you staying over for dinner? There are some leftovers in the fridge.”

“I told my mom I was at the library, so I should get going in a bit.” Eddie replied, sitting down on the couch. “You look beautiful, Mrs Tozier.”

She did. She was wearing a floral dress with a pink shawl around her narrow shoulders. She was wearing heels and the lipstick Eddie’s mother hated so much.

“Thank you, sweetie.” She smiled warmly and then looked at Richie. “Are you okay, dear?”

Richie looked as if he was about to throw up. He nodded his head, glanced at Eddie and then back at his parents. “I have to tell you something.”

“Now?” Wentworth asked, checking the clock. “We’re a bit in a rush, son.”

“I know, it won’t take long.” Richie said, fidgeting with the hem of his tee.

“What is it, Richie? Are you in trouble at school?” Maggie asked with a frown, but Richie quickly shook his head.

“I need to tell you something about me.” He said. His parents eyes fixed on him, as he took a deep breath. “About me and Eddie.” He added. Eddie blushed from his spot on the couch, chewing on his lower lip. “He’s… we are boyfriends.” He finally said.

“You’re gay?” Wentworth  asked, adjusting his tie.

“No, I like girls.” Richie said, scratching the back of his head. “I just like boys too.”

Maggie walked towards her son, took his face between her elegant hands and kissed his forehead. “I’m glad you told us, darling.” She said, smiling and shading a tear.

“We already knew.” Wentworth added.

“What?!” Richie’s eyes widened, while his parents giggled.

“Rich, come on. You’re my son and I’ve been a teenager too. I used to sneak into your mother’s room all the time when we were 18. And your bedroom door has been closed way too often lately.” He said, shaking his head.

“Ew, dad, I don’t want to know what you did with mom when you were young.” Richie grimaced, sticking his tongue out.

“Hey, that’s how you was born, Richard. Pay respect.” Maggie added with a laugh.

“Oh my god, I’m going to throw myself in the trashcan now.”

“We have to go now.” Maggie said, kissing his cheek. “I love him. I’m glad he’s your boyfriend.” She said, smiling at Richie first and then at Eddie.

“Have a lovely date.” Eddie waved as they left the house. Richie walked to the couch and crashed on it, burying his face in Eddie’s stomach.

“That went well.” He muttered against Eddie’s sweater.

“Told you so.” Eddie smiled, running his hands through Richie’s soft curls. “Now you have a good memory about date nights as well.”

Richie looked up at him. The smile on his lips was sad, but Eddie knew it meant a lot to him. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Goodnight mom.” Eddie called before he closed the door of his room. He locked it and ran a hand through his hair, yawning and turning off the light. He laid in bed, turning a couple of times before he found a position comfortable enough and closed his eyes.

Less than five minutes later, he heard a soft knock on the window.

He smiled against the pillow and stood up, looking at Richie sitting on the other side of the glass with a wide smile on his face.

He opened it and let the other boy slip inside. “What are you doing here, Rich?”

Instead of answering, Richie closed the gap between them and kissed him deeply, leaving Eddie breathless and clutching at his jacket. Richie tasted like peppermint gum and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had chewed one for him, knowing how much Eddie liked that clean taste on Richie’s tongue.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“It’s just that my other boyfriend is going to be here any minute now and I don’t want him to s-“ He was cut off by Richie’s lips and he laughed against them, wrapping his arms around the taller boy’s neck and letting him walk back to bed. He fell back on it and Richie climbed on top of him, running his hands up and down Eddie’s sides.

“We gotta be quiet…” Eddie whined, tugging Richie’s hair and sliding his tongue over Richie’s lower lip as the taller boy grinded down against him. The friction was relieving, but it wasn’t enough. Eddie wanted more. He _needed_ more. “Rich-“ He breathed against his lips.

“I’ve got you.” Richie said, slipping his hands under Eddie’s tee.

Eddie arched his back and his lips parted as Richie’s fingers played with his nipples. He gave Richie’s hair another tug and the boy groaned against his neck, making Eddie even harder in his pajama bottoms.

“I want you so bad, Eds, fuck…” Richie breathed and Eddie nodded, gasping for air.

“Rich, I- I think I’m ready if you’re ready.” He said, looking up at Richie and watching as a million of different expressions passed on the boy’s face.  “You know, if you wanted to…”

Richie pressed their lips together and then stared at him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Now?”

“My mom’s probably already asleep. Not even gun shots would wake her up.”

Richie giggled against his skin and nodded. “Okay, yeah. Do you have…?”

Eddie nodded and glanced at his bedside table, where he had hidden a small bottle of strawberry flavored lube and a pack of condoms. He had asked Bill to buy both for him because if the pharmacist told his mother his sweet little Eddie had came by asking for lube and condom she was probably going to crucify him.

He felt ready. He wanted to be ready. Mostly, he wanted to know what it felt like.  Months of researches needed to be fulfilled. He didn’t care about virginity. He had always thought that it was an obsolete social construct.

He liked Richie. He wanted to make love to Richie.

“Do you want to go to the bathroom and-“

“I showered before changing into my pajama.” Eddie cut him off. Ever since he had started reading about all that stuff, he had also started to clean himself every time he showered. Just in case.

“Okay.” Richie nodded. “Okay, yeah. Cool.” Richie nodded, sitting up. “So I just.. uhm…”

“Don’t be stupid. Come back here and kiss me.”

Richie obliged, leaning down again and capturing Eddie’s soft lips in another kiss. They wrapped their arms around each other and Eddie couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster and faster.

It picked up when Richie undressed him, then picked up again when Richie undressed himself. Eddie looked at his boyfriend’s body, smiling at the freckles splattered on his shoulders, at his skinny limbs and biting his lower lip as he followed the dark trail of hair under his navel with the tip of his fingers, making Richie shudder.

“You’re beautiful.” Eddie stated, looking up at Richie and watching as a blush spread across his cheeks. “You are.”

“You are beautiful, too.” Richie replied, running his hands on Eddie’s thighs as he knelt between them.

It was awkward, Eddie couldn’t help noticing. No matter how many researches Eddie could have done: it didn’t really prepared him for the real thing. It took him a while to adjust to Richie’s first finger, to discard that uncomfortable feeling that nearly made him say “stop”.

It took him a while to start feeling relaxed. The air around them smelled like strawberry and Richie kept kissing his inner thighs, leaving small marks there and licking Eddie’s stiff erection to try to distract him. Eddie kept a hand buried in the duvet and one between Richie’s hair, giving it a tug any time his tongue did wonders on his cock.

“You look so pretty like this, babe.” Richie breathed against his skin, making Eddie whimper. “I need you to tell me if you don’t like it, okay?”

“It’s just weird. Different.” Eddie murmured, gasping for air. “I think I like it.”

Richie nodded, and then Eddie felt another finger easing his way inside him. He tried to stay as relaxed as possible, pushing any nervous thought away.

It took them a full hour to get properly ready. Richie wanted to be extra sure he wasn’t going to hurt Eddie and Eddie wanted to make sure he was stretched enough to not hurt Richie.

By the time Richie was thrusting three fingers inside him, Eddie was moaning against his open palm and thrusting his hips back against Richie’s hand.

“Fuck Eddie…” Richie said, looking at him with wide eyes.

“It feels good, Rich… Feels real good.” Eddie mumbled and moaned when he saw Richie stroking himself while looking at him. “I’m ready, Rich, please…” He breathed, spreading his legs a little wider.

“Yeah? Okay, okay.” Richie was eager. He was nervous and eager, Eddie was sure, he could read it on Richie’s face. He whimpered when his boyfriends pulled his fingers out and bit his lower lip as he watched him rolling the condom on himself.

“Hey, Rich?”

“Mh?”

“I trust you, okay?” He said, looking at him with a smile. Richie leaned down and kissed him, coating his dick with more strawberry lube, probably even more than it was necessary.

Richie pushed in slowly, looking at Eddie with wide eyes as a surprised gasp left his lips.

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, clutching Richie’s shoulders.

It was more than he had expected. Richie was sinking in inch by inch, making Eddie whimper and gasp and scratch his back.

“W-wait.” He whimpered, and Richie stilled.

“Are you okay?” Richie asked, and his voice sounded a little shaky. “Do you want me to stop.”

Eddie shook his head firmly, trying to catch his breath. “Just give me a moment.” He said lowly, relaxing around him as best as he could.

Then, when he was ready, Richie started pulling away, only to push back in just a moment after. It was a lot. Eddie almost felt like he was being split in two. Why did porn stars always make it look so easy? It was not easy, not in the slightest. A frown was curving his forehead and Richie kissed it, soothing the crease with his thumb.

But Eddie was starting to relax and Richie started to feel good inside him. He was going slow, keeping a steady pace and Eddie was _loving_ it.

He felt full, he felt complete. He had never felt that close to anyone else before.

Richie was a sight to be seen. His forehead was slightly sweated, his lips were parted and his cheeks flushed and Eddie couldn’t help winding his arms around his shoulders and press their lips together.

“God, Rich.” Eddie breathed against his lips as he started to thrust his hips back, earning a moan from Richie that went straight to his groin.

“You like it?”

“I love it.” Eddie confirmed, nodding his head.

Richie’s pace picked up and his lips were starting to stutter. “F-fuck, Eds, I can’t last long.” He said and Eddie could hear the shame he felt in his words. It hit him right in the heart.

“It’s okay baby, you feel so good.” Eddie kissed his temple, as Richie grasped Eddie’s dick, stroking him in the attempt of making him come as well as he felt his own orgasm closer and closer.

Eddie moaned against Richie’s shoulder, dragging his nails down his boyfriend’s back and sucking a hickey on his neck. That was probably what made it for Richie. He moaned against Eddie’s pillow and came in the condom, burying himself deep inside his boyfriend and groaning like Eddie had never heard him do.

“Oh fuck, Eds…” He was shaking and Eddie clung to him.

“You are so beautiful, Rich, so incredible…” Eddie murmured close to his ear, kissing anywhere his lips could reach.

“You didn’t come.” Richie said, his voice a little shaky. “I’m so sorry Eddie…” He could see tears well up in Richie’s eyes and he immediately cupped his cheeks, pressing their lips together.

“You don’t have to be sorry, baby. It was the best thing that I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.” Eddie reassured him, meaning every word.

 _This_.

This awkward, tentative, messy first time they shared felt more real and perfect than any mind-blowing sex encounter Eddie might have pictured in his head. They had all the time in the world for that.

It was their first time and Eddie was feeling giddy on affection and power. He did that to Richie. He had made Richie come like that and feel like that and shake like that. Richie had came and Eddie felt like he had too, even if he didn’t.

“Do you want m-“

“Just hold me.” Eddie cut him off, stroking Richie’s cheekbone with his thumb.

Richie pulled away slowly and rolled the condom off of himself, tying it at the end and throwing it in the bin next to Eddie’s bed. He laid next to him and their limbs, a little slick with strawberry lube, tangled together as they shared a few, lazy kisses.

“Rich?” Eddie murmured, feeling himself start to fall asleep.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Do you want to go to prom with me?” He asked with a little smile curving his lips.

“I thought you’d never asked, Spaghetti.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's super awkward guys, but come on. It was their first time. First times are a mess 99% of the times. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Leave a comment and let me know what you think, please? :)


	11. Wasting time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wasting time, lost in love  
> We can go when no one will ever find us  
> So let's waste time  
> While we're young  
> We can drive til the morning sun comes up  
> We've got no place to go  
> But we can make it all on our own  
> We're drivin' slowly, down a country road  
> We can keep on through the night  
> If I got you by my side  
> I see the stars reflecting in your eyes
> 
> (Halsey, Wasting Time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this came super duper late!   
> But there we are! Last chapter of part 1, which means that the next update will be first chapter of part 2, so... stay tuned?
> 
> I wanted to say a huge huge huge thank you to everyone who had supported me with this story! Obviously, it's not nearly over yet, so this won't be an emotional thank you. Just a big thank you. 
> 
> Because I can't wait for you guys to read part 2.

 

“If- if my mom finds out you’re here…” Eddie was breathless. Richie was kissing his neck and fucking him relentlessly, holding his hips and breathing hot against his neck. “Oh _god_.”

“As much as I like your mom, Eds, you gotta stop talking about her.” Richie panted, squeezing Eddie’s hip and bringing his other hand to cup the boy’s face, stroking his bottom lip with his thumb. “Fuck, you feel amazing.”

Eddie clutched Richie’s shoulders as he felt getting closer and closer to his climax, moaning high and desperate like he never imagined he would have. “Harder, _faster_!” He pleaded, digging his nails into Richie’s back and dragging them down. “Oh yes! Right there!” His voice had turned a few octaves up and his hips had started stuttering in the attempt of meeting Richie’s thrusts.

The boy’s dark, chocolate curls were falling on Eddie’s face and their eyes were locked together as they panted into each other’s mouths. Eddie knew his eyes were open wide, because he didn’t want to miss the look on Richie’s face, the way he was looking at him. His heart was about to burst, he could feel it, because, as Richie came inside him with a loud cry of Eddie’s name, Eddie knew he was utterly, completely, deeply in love.

Richie grasped Eddie’s swollen cock and gave it a few, uncoordinated strokes and Eddie was a goner. He arched his back and dragged his nails down Richie’s back, wrapping his legs around the taller boy’s waist tightly and muffling his moans against his shoulders.

Their technique had definitely improved since their first time, which was pretty predictable, since they could hardly keep their hands off each other. Ever.

“Get off me, you’re heavy!” Eddie whined, trying to squirm from underneath Richie’s boneless body.

Richie chuckled lazily as he laid on top of Eddie like a starfish, kissing him up his neck and murmuring sweet nonsense that made Eddie blush and a smile curve his lips despite of himself.

“I mean it, Rich. My mom will be back in less than a hour and you need to leave.” Eddie said, running his hand through Richie’s sweaty curls. “Besides, I don’t want to get all sticky with dry come on my stomach.”

“You’re an awful after sex cuddler, have anyone ever told you that?” Richie  huffed, rolling to his side and freeing Eddie from his grasp.

“Oh, yeah. All the  zero people I’ve slept with before you, genius.” He said, grabbing the tissues from the nightstand as Richie rolled the condom off of himself and tied it at the end. “Ew, Rich, throw that thing away.”

“You’re rude, Eddie. You don’t talk like that to our children.” Richie said, wiggling the condom in front of Eddie’s face with a chuckle.

“You’re so gross!” Eddie screeched, swatting Richie’s hand away and making him laugh. He finally threw it in the trashcan and smiled at Eddie with bright eyes. “What?” The shorter boy asked as he slipped his underwear back on.

“Nothing, just… You are beautiful.” Richie said quietly, reaching up with a hand to touch Eddie’s cheek.

“You obviously should put your glasses back on.” Eddie said with a soft chuckle before he nuzzled Richie’s side. “You’re beautiful too.”

He was still giddy on the realization of being in love. He was in _love_. Being in love was always something he had looked up to, but he had always imagined it was an adult thing. He knew teenagers professed each other eternal love, but he also knew that they ended up breaking up anyway, even though they used to say they were going to love each other forever. Eddie didn’t know to say his first “I love you” without meaning it. He wanted to find the right person to say it to and he had always thought he wasn’t going to find the right person in Derry, Maine.

And yet there he was, lying on his side with his face pressed against another boy’s chest and feeling his heart flutter and his skin tingle.

He was in love, and it felt amazing.

It felt like it could have lasted forever.

“Eds?”

“Mh?”

“What’s gonna happen when you’ll pack your stuff and go to Harvard?” Richie asked, while his fingers lazily ran up and down Eddie’s arm.

It was the first time they openly talked about it. The thought was always in the back of his mind, reminding him that things were inevitably going to change. He was leaving for Harvard, and god only knew where Richie was going to go.

“Do we have to talk about it now?” Eddie asked, brushing his lips over Richie’s chest and planting a soft kiss on his ribcage.

“No, I guess we have time.” Richie said after a couple of minutes of silence.

“Yes.” Eddie agreed, smiling and hugging him tighter. “I guess we do.”

 

* * *

 

 

Eddie checked his reflection in the mirror, quite happy with how he was looking. It had took him an eternity to find a pink tie that matched his skin tone and the napkin in the pocket of his suit, which had caused extreme anxiety. He wanted to look perfect and, for at least once in his life, he wanted people to shut up and let him enjoy a nice evening.

Prom was a lame tradition, that much he was sure about. People were supposed to find a person of the opposite sex to dance with all night and the mere thought made Eddie sick in the stomach. He wasn’t going to stand for that, fuck no. It was his last year and by the end of August he was going to be gone, so, in all honesty, he didn’t give a shit anymore. He was going to go to Prom with his boyfriend and he was going to dance with him, maybe make out with him against some wall and those who weren’t okay with that could have kissed his ass.

Eddie wondered what Richie was going to be wearing. He wondered if he had bought a suit or rented one like Eddie did. He wondered if the colors they had chosen were going to match and if Richie was actually going to spike the punch like he had promised to do.

They had all decided to meet there, because none of them had a car to pick the others up and they had eventually came to the conclusion that was going to be better for everyone just to bike there.

“Where do you think you’re going, Eddie?” Sonia asked, standing in the doorway of Eddie’s  bedroom with her hands folded on her chest.

“Prom, ‘ma. I told you.” Eddie said, looking at her through the mirror as he fixed the knot of his tie for the last time. “I actually should get going. I was supposed to be there five minutes ago.”

Sonia raised her eyebrows and tilted her head to the side. “Aren’t you going to pick your date up like the nice gentleman you are?” She questioned, moving her hands on her hips. “That’s not how you treat a girl, Eddie bear.”

“I’m not going to pick a girl up because I’m not going with a girl, mama.” He said, turning his head and looking at her. He could see red patches on her cheeks and a disappointed look in her eyes.

Eddie wondered how she managed to look so pleased even though she was struggling to maintain her composure.

“No date? I can’t say I’m not surprised, Eddie.” He scoffed, walking inside his room. “You’ve been wasting your  time with those friends of yours. And a pink tie, Eddie? What girl would want to go to prom with a boy that wears _pink_?”

“One with a great fashion sense?” Eddie shot back, already feeling his blood boiling in his veins and his fists clenching.

“What’s that tone, Eddie bear? You don’t speak to your mommy like that.” She said lowly, staring in his eyes. “You’re never going to find a nice girl if that’s how  you talk to women.”

“Thank fuck I’m gay, then.” He said it without even thinking about it. It just sounded like the most logical thing to say, and he couldn’t take it back now.

He didn’t want to take it back.

The color drained from Sonia’s face. She stared at him in horror, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth.

“I guess you don’t have to worry about me not finding a _nice girl_ anymore.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Edward.” Her voice was high pitched and annoying to Eddie’s ears. “You’re just very confused.”

“It didn’t feel confusing when I had my boyfriend’s dick up my ass.” He said, standing still and watching as her mouth fell open.

If he hadn’t been so nervous and scared about what she could have done now, he would have found the sight almost comical.

“Edward Frank Kaspbrak-“

“What?” Eddie interrupted her. “What do you want, mama? Do you want to ground me again? Do you want to hit me again?” He closed the distance between them and stared at her right in her eyes, trying to appear as calm and confident as possible. “You can do that, if it makes you feel any better. But let me tell you this: I’ve been beaten up for years and it didn’t make me any less gay. You can lock me in my room, but I’ll climb down the window.” He said, and Sonia stared at him with pure horror all over her blowsy face.

“Edwa-“

“I’m going to Harvard, mom.” He added, walking past her and climbing down the stairs.

“No you’re not! You’re not going anywhere!” She screeched, following him and almost tripping on her own feet.

“I found the letter you threw away, mom. I accepted the full ride scholarship therefore I’m going, whether you like it or not. You should be thankful that I didn’t report you to the police, you know? Because what you did is pretty fucking illegal.”

“I’m your mother! I do what I think it’s best for you!” Sonia screamed, her face red once again.

“I’m not your property, okay? I’m 18, I’m legally an adult!”

“Are you? Do you pay the bills? Do you do your laundry? Do you pay the rent? Do you know how to do grocery shopping or how to cook? Do you earn money?”

“I don’t because you never let me do any of those things! You never let me get a part time job to save money, never let me do anything! You think that I’m still a child, or maybe you just don’t want me to grow up. But I am growing up, ma. I am, and I just can’t keep going on like this. I like boys, I’m going to Harvard, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me from doing either of those things.”

Sonia clenched her jaw and shook her head. “Your father would be so disappointed in you.” She eventually said, quietly.

Eddie felt a lump in his throat and stared at her. He hated when she brought up his dad against him. It had always been such a low, disgusting move Eddie felt like he could have thrown up right then and there.

“Dad’s not here.”

“I’m glad he’s not. I wouldn’t want him to see the disappointment you are.” She said, aiming at hurting him right where he was weaker.

“Fine.” He eventually said, taking a step back. “I’m going.”

“You’re not going, Edward. I won’t let you making a fool of yourself in front of everyone wearing pink. You’re a _boy_!”

“What’s wrong with a boy wearing pink!?” Eddie cried, throwing his arms to the air. “What’s wrong with that? Why can girls wear blue but boys can’t like pink?”

“Stop yelling at me!”

“NO!” Sonia grabbed him by the wrist, hard.

“Enough, Edward! I don’t know what I have to do with you anymore. You’re out of control!” Eddie tried to squirm away from her grasp, and that’s how the sleeve of his suit was ripped off. It hang down from Sonia’s hand and Eddie stared at it in shock. “There. Look at what you’ve done.” She sighed, shaking her head.

“What _I_ have done?” Eddie asked in disbelief. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that. For as long as you’re under this roof, you’ll do what I tell you to do.”

“Then maybe I’ll just leave, so I won’t be under this roof anymore.” He said, turning his head and walking towards the front door.

“And where do you plan on going? School’s not over for another three weeks. Your precious Harvard won’t let you in the dorm before the end of August. What exactly is your plan, Edward? Are you going to stay with that awful boyfriend of yours? The one that got you sick? It won’t last, Edward.”

“Maybe it won’t.” Eddie said quietly, looking at her over his shoulder, desperately trying to not let his mother’s words affect him. “But at least I’ve got someone that loves me in my life.”

 

* * *

 

 

Eddie heard the music from a block away. It was a song from the 80’ that reminded him what the theme of the ball was.

When he stopped in front of the front door of the gym and showed the chaperone his ticket, he was suddenly very aware of his conditions. His suit was ruined, literally ripped. His hair weren’t neatly combed anymore and he had tears stripes down his flushed cheeks. Even his pink tie wasn’t knotted anymore. Eddie had loosened it and opened the first two buttons of his shirt because he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Are you okay, kid?” He asked, marking his ticket as checked.

“M’fine.” He took his ticket back and walked inside.

The school’s gym had been decorated with disco balls and flashing lights. The girls had struggled to dress up to fit the theme: they had fluffed their hair, worn big belts around their waists and shiny, bright lipsticks. The guys, on the other hand, didn’t seem to had put much effort in it.

Well, Richie did.

Eddie couldn’t help but smile when he saw his boyfriend leaning against the wall with a paper cup in his hand, talking to Mike and gesturing widely with his hands.

Richie was wearing a short sleeved Hawaiian shirt that was so bright and colorful it put the flashing lights to shame. It was tucked inside some high waist jeans and he was wearing a brown belt that didn’t match with the other colours at all. Eddie expected to see his combat boots at his feet, but he caught a glimpse of some red converse shoes instead. He was wearing his thick glasses instead of his contact lenses and, in some way, he reminded Eddie of Buddy Holly.

Richie looked gorgeous, and Eddie was so in love with him.

“Eddie! What the hell happened to you?!” Beverly grabbed his shoulder and stared at him with wide eyes. She looked  beautiful, Eddie noticed. She had green eyeshadow on her eyes and she was wearing mascara. She didn’t choose a dress, but some high waist jeans with a red blouse tucked in them. Beverly was beautiful, yes, but tonight she was gorgeous. Ben was by her side, staring at Eddie with an expression just as shocked on his face. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Eddie reassured her, smiling.

“Your suit-“

“I know, I know. But I’m fine.” He kissed her cheek and left her with Ben. “Hey.” He called, looking at Richie with a smile.

The taller boy turned his head and dropped his drink when he saw Eddie in his ripped suit and his glassy eyes. “What the hell?” He rushed over to him, putting his hands on Eddie’s cheeks. “What-? Are you okay?”

“Do you want to dance with me?” Eddie asked, smiling up at him.

“What?” Richie blinked, obviously taken aback. 

“ _Dance_.” Eddie repeated, wrapping his arms around Richie’s middle. “Dance with me?”

Richie stared at him, clearly caught off guard by the whole situation, but he eventually nodded. "Yeah. Okay. Dance." 

They walked to the center of the improvised dance floor and Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck.

_Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?_

_Ooh, heaven is a place on earth_

_They say in heaven love comes first_

_We’ll make heaven a place on earth_

“You look like you’ve been in a fight with a wolf.” Richie said, spinning Eddie under his arm.

“I might as well have been.” Eddie said, smiling wide.

How could he feel so light hearted after what had happened with his mother? After the things she had told him? How could he feel so good when the glares they were receiving from the people all around them could have burned their skin?

“Was it your mother?”

“Just shut up and dance with me, Rich.” Eddie said, taking Richie’s hands and tugging him closer.

_In this world we’re just beginning_

_To understand the miracle of living_

_Baby I was afraid before_

_But I’m not afraid anymore_

Their friends gathered around them, dancing casually, but Eddie knew they wanted to protect them from the shameful glares they were receiving.

Richie smiled back at him, finally letting himself go and picking Eddie up from the ground. He spun him around twice, making Eddie laugh from the bottom of his heart and his arms go tighter around Richie’s shoulders.

“Hey, Rich.” Eddie said once his feet touched the floor again.

“Yes, Spaghetti?”

Eddie lifted himself up on the tip of his toes and pressed his lips to Richie’s.

It felt good, kissing in front of everyone. Being public. Not caring about what the people were going to think.

_Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?_

_Ooh, heaven is a place on earth_

_They say in heaven love comes first_

_We’ll make heaven a place on earth_

“What was that for?” Richie asked when Eddie pulled away. His freckled cheeks were slightly flushed, but his eyes didn’t leave Eddie’s face, not even to check if someone had seen them.”

“That was because I love you.” Eddie said, looking up into Richie’s chocolate eyes. Richie looked as if he had just been given the biggest lollipop in the entire planet. “I love you, Rich.” He repeated, with a light hearted laugh leaving his lips.

“You sound hysterical.”Richie took Eddie’s face between his hands and kissed him.

“Aren’t you going to say that you love me as well?” Eddie asked, tilting his chin up, almost as if he was challenging him.

“Even though you already know I do?”

Eddie already knew he did. 

"Even though I already know you do." He nodded, smiling softly. 

Richie whispered it in his ear, only for him to hear. 

Like the most precious of the secrets. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Be quiet.” Eddie whispered, as they both stumbled inside his house. Eddie shrugged his ripped jacked off of his shoulders and threw it on the couch before he started searching in the bowl on the coffee table.

“Are you sure you wanna do this, Eds?” Richie said, moving to the kitchen and filling his pockets with snacks.

“Aren’t you?” Eddie asked. He found his mother’s car key and turned to Richie, holding it up triumphantly. “Found ‘em.”

Richie grinned and took it, holding it tightly in his palm. Eddie didn’t have a driving license because his mother had never let him learn how to drive.

It was far too dangerous.

He grabbed some dollars from the Bible where he knew his mother kept some savings and scribbled down on a note that he stuck to the front door for his mother to find.

_Gone for the weekend. The car is with me._

_P.S. can’t give the suit back if it’s ripped. You’ll have to pay for it._

_Xxx Eddie Bear_

Richie turned the engine on as soon as Eddie sat in the passenger seat. They looked at each other and shared a smile, Richie intertwined their fingers together and kissed the back of Eddie’s hand.

“Ready?” Richie asked, and it didn’t take it anything more than a nod for him to start driving.

“What are you gonna say to your parents? They’re gonna freak out when they’ll wake up.” Eddie said, leaning his head against Richie’s shoulder.

“I’ll call them when we will stop for breakfast.” He replied easily.

The moon was still up in the sky, surrounded by a million stars. Eddie felt free. He smiled and rolled the window all the way down, letting the summer breeze mess with his curls and glancing back at his boyfriend, who’s gaze was fixed on the road in front of them.

Richie had agreed to run away for the weekend without even asking a question, which was more than he could have hoped for. He wanted to get away, even if it was just for a little while.

“We’re gonna be in a shit load of trouble when we get back, you know that, right?” Eddie said with a smile on his lips.

“Yeah, well. We can worry about it when the time to go back will come.” Richie replied, bending his head to kiss Eddie’s hair.

Eddie wondered what was going to happen to them.

Eddie wondered if their love was going to last forever, or if it was going to wither away like autumn leaves.

He couldn’t imagine himself being in love with anyone else, if Eddie thought about it. Not even in a million years.

There were a million questions he still wanted to ask him. There were a million answers he wanted to get. There were a million places he wanted to go with him and a million nights he wanted to spend just like that, driving on a country road with his head pillowed on his boyfriend’s shoulder and the stars above them. There were a million things he still wanted to say to Richie, like how glad he was he had agreed to go to that stupid bone fire.

“I think I will always love you, ‘Chee.” Eddie said, looking up at Richie’s beautiful eyes. He saw his lips curve into a wide smile and some colour spread on his cheeks.

Eddie felt warmer, even though the night air was chilly.

“Always is a big word.” Richie replied, smiling and nuzzling his hair.

“Not really.” Eddie leaned up and kissed his cheek. “There are only six letters.”


End file.
